Verbal spar r ing i s always fun. I ran across these witty – and savage – comebacks and decided to share.
When approached by an admirer asking for any advice on how to proceed with creating a symphony Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart looked him in the eye in all seriousness and said, “A symphony is a very complex musical form. Perhaps you should begin with some simple lieder and work your way up to a symphony.' The admirer looked perplexed and responded, “But Herr Mozart, you were writing symphonies when you were eight years old,” to which Mozart responded, “Yes, but I never asked anybody how”.
While attending a session of Parliament, one of the members blatantly asked Prime Minister Winston Churchill, “Mr. Churchill, must you fall asleep while I’m speaking?” Churchill lazily raised his head and rebutted, “No, it’s purely voluntary.”
With a career that began in the 1920s, Edna Ferber’s love for wearing tailored suits began way before Diane Keaton started the trend in Annie Hall. This was a running joke amongst she and Noel Coward commenting, “You almost look like a man” and Ferber quickly responding, “So do you.” It is safe to say that she may have won that round.
Dorothy Parker had little patience for those who acted in a belligerent manner whether it be due to alcohol or good old-fashioned cockiness. She also had no qualms about speaking her mind. When she heard a drunk fellow make a comment saying, “I can’t bear fools,” Parker quickly responded, “Apparently your mother could…” Pope John XXIII began his papacy in 1958 and served until 1963. He was a passionate man who valued equality, naming the very first Cardinals from Africa, the Philippines and Japan. He wasn’t all business though - he did have a wonderful sense of humor. On one occasion the Pope was asked how many people were working in the Vatican, to which he replied, “About half.” A realist and a humorist combined.
Ilka Chase was a someone with a quick wit who was known to tell it like it is; in fact, the epitaph on her gravesite read, “I’ve finally gotten to the bottom of things.' After reading Chase’s novel, a fellow actress commented to her, “I enjoyed reading your book. Who wrote it for you?” to which Chase was quick to reply, “Darling, I’m so glad that you liked it. Who read it to you?”
During one exchange via post, George Bernard Shaw invited Winston Churchill to his latest play entitled Buoyant Billions. In his letter, he wrote that he had reserved him two tickets for opening night so “come and bring a friend if you have one.” Always a good sport up to going tit for tat, Churchill replied, “Impossible to come first night. Will come to second night if you have one.”
Melville Fuller was asked to preside over a church conference when a member of the audience rose and began a tirade against universities and education in general. He then went on to thank God that he had never been corrupted by such institutions. When Fuller asked the audience member if he was thanking God for his ignorance, he responded, “Well yes, if you want to put it that way.” Fuller then calmly replied, “Then you have a great deal to be thankful for.”
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