SPOILIN’ THE BROTH
Neighbor Grover sez old lawyers never die, they just lose their appeal.
Positive response to a recent column of religious humor has sent me to the file for more. Gaye Bland recently sent me some so you can thank her for what follows.
• A gracious lady was at the post office window mailing an old family Bible to her brother.
“Is there anything breakable in here?” the clerk asked.
“Just the Ten Commandments,” the lady said.
• A minister parked his car in a no-parking zone because he was short of time and couldn’t find a parking space. He put a note on the windshield: “I circled the block 10 times. If I don’t park here I’ll miss my appointment. Forgive us our trespasses.”
When he returned, he found a citation with this note: “I’ve circled this block for 10 years. If I don’t give you a ticket, I’ll lose my job. Lead us not into temptation.”
• While driving in Pennsylvania, a family caught up with an Amish carriage whose owner obviously had a sense of humor. Attached to the back of the carriage was a hand-painted sign:
“Energy-efficient vehicle. Runs on oats and grass. Caution: Do not step in exhaust.”
• After church, a mother asked her young daughter what the Sunday school lesson was about. “Don’t be scared, you’ll get your quilt,” the daughter said.
Puzzled, the mom called the SS teacher and asked the same question.
“Be not afraid, thy comforter is coming,” was the answer.
• The minister was trying to figure out how he was going to ask the congregation for more money for church repairs. Then he was somewhat annoyed to find the church organist was sick and had sent a substitute. The sub asked the minister what songs he wanted during the service.
“Here’s a copy of the service,” he said impatiently, ‘but you’ll have to think of something to play after I make the announcement about finances.”
In the pulpit, the minister paused and said, “Brothers and Sisters, we are in great difficulty. The roof repairs cost twice as much as we expected and we need $4,000 more to pay the bill. Any of you who can pledge $100 or more please stand up.”
At that moment, the substitute organist played “The Star Spangled Banner.” And that’s how the substitute became the regular organist.
• And here’s a thought we’ve probably all had at one time or another:
“I know God won’t give me more than I can handle, but there are times I just wish he didn’t trust me quite so much.”
- Log in or Subscribe to post comments.