FALLING FAR FROM THE TREE
Here are some funny insults that come to me from Hal Reagan, who is a good supplier of funny things by email.
These insults are from an era before the English language got boiled down to 4-letter words. Insults then, had some class.
• “I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend, if you have one.”—George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill.
“Cannot possibly attend first night, I will attend the second...If there is one.” —Winston Churchill, in response.
• A member of Parliament to Disraeli: “Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease.”
“That depends, Sir,” said Disraeli, “whether I embrace your policies or your mistress.”
• “He had delusions of adequacy.”—Walter Kerr
• “I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure.”— Clarence Darrow
• “He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary.”—William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway).
• “Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I’ll waste no time reading it.”— Moses Hadas
• “I didn’t attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.”—Mark Twain
• “He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.”—Oscar Wilde
• “I feel so miserable without you; it’s almost like having you here.”—Stephen Bishop
• “He is a self-made man and worships his creator.”— John Bright
• “I’ve just learned about his illness. Let’s hope it’s nothing trivial.”—Irvin S. Cobb
• “He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others.”—Samuel Johnson
• “He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up.”—Paul Keating
• “In order to avoid being called a f lirt, she always yielded easily.”—Charles, Count Talleyrand
• “He loves nature in spite of what it did to him.”—Forrest Tucker
• “Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?”—Mark Twain
• “His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork.”—Mae West
• “Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.”—Oscar Wilde
• “He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lampposts... for support rather than illumination.”—Andrew Lang (1844-1912)
• “He has Van Gogh’s ear for music.”—Billy Wilder
• “I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn’t it.”—Groucho Marx.
• “He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.”—Winston Churchill —kwc— Don’t forget to order your Rockdale Earth Day t-shirts. They are $15 and come in all adult sizes including plus sizes.
This year’s design was done by Jaret Johnson and I love it.
Jaret’s mom, Shanna Johnson, is our city secretary.
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