FALLING FAR FROM THE TREE
Mom, dad and I had an interesting Thursday last week. Dad has been having some lower back pain, and after having a few required tests, he was finally able to have an ablation in College Station to hopefully give him some relief.
My parents are both averse to taking any kind of pain medication or anything that will make them feel “loopy.” Dad was told by the check-in person that he didn’t have to take the Valium that was recommenced if he didn’t want to, and I just knew he wouldn’t. I went down the hall to the restroom at one point and he decided he was going to take it after all, but I didn’t realize.
When they came to wheel him back, he was acting very loopy. He had to fast so that Valium kicked in as soon as he swallowed it.
His procedure went fine, and he was very hungry once it was all over. We drove down the loop looking for a place to eat. Dad wanted a hamburger. Mom spotted a Twin Peaks restaurant which someone had told her was a hamburger place, so that’s where we decided to go. None of us had ever been to one before.
Let me just say this was an eye-opening experience. Have you ever been to Hooters and seen the waitresses’ tiny outfits? It’s kind of like that, but way more lascivious. The Twin Peaks waitresses make the Hooters waitresses look downright demure.
We were there about 3 p.m. but the waitresses definitely had their nighttime makeup on. A ton of it. But it was their skimpy outfits that surprised us the most.
The theme of Twin Peaks is a wilderness lodge. Think moose horns and antler chandeliers if you’ve never been. A log cabin-y man cave with more televisions playing sports than you can shake a stick at.
Back to the revealing outfi ts: a sleeveless buffalo plaid basically bikini top tied with a bow in the middle. Think Elly Mae Clampett but much tinier. No undergarment could be worn under it, but the waitresses are all college students, so everything is still...uhm...pert.
They wear that with the tiniest pair of blue jean shorts you’ve ever seen. Cheeks hanging out is a requirement. I told mom I didn’t think they had any drawers on. She thought maybe a thong. Boots with socks complete the ensemble.
We got our food, and it was all delicious. When we were waiting for the check mom was looking around and noticed that she was the only female customer in the restaurant. My brother said he took our nephew there when he was 12 or 13 and their waitress was nearly nine months pregnant in that outfit.
A man opened the door for us when we got there and kind of looked at us funny as did the hostess who seated us in the same outfit as the waitresses had on. I’m guessing they don’t get many families of old people like us. Or women in general.
Anyway, if you’ve never been to Twin Peaks, you should go at least once if only for the novelty. The food was good. The waitresses very nice and accommodating. If you like sports, there is a different one on every tv. No reason not to.
The restaurant’s motto is “ Food. Drinks. Scenic Views.” My dad on Valium laughed at that as we drove up. Scenic views in College Station? I think they mean the waitresses.
One thing dad and I have in common is that we are both control freaks. I am not a good passenger no matter who is driving and neither is he.
I also tend to be lead-footed while driving and he will usually tell me when I’m going over the speed limit several times per trip.
He didn’t do it once that day and I told him he should be on Valium every time I drive him somewhere.
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