(A rerun of a column from Publisher Emeritus Bill Cooke from May of 2014.)
Neighbor Grover sez he wonders why the number 11 is not pronounced “onety- one.”
Another item for your collection of religious humor arrived from cyberspace this week, and it’s okay if you groan a bit at the end.
There was a Scottish painter named Smokey Mac-Gregor who was very interested in making a penny where he could, so he often thinned down his paint to make it go a wee bit further.
He got away with this for some time, but eventually was low bidder when the local church decided to do a big restoration job on the outside of their building.
Smokey set about erecting the scaffolding, setting up the planks, buying the paint and, of course, thinning it down with turpentine.
Smokey was up on the scaffolding painting, the job nearly complete, when there was a horrendous clap of thunder, the sky opened and the rain poured down, washing the thinned paint from the church and knocking Smokey o ff t he s caffold to land on the lawn among the gravestones, surrounded by telltale puddles of the thinned, useless paint.
Smokey, knowing this was a judgment from the Almighty, got down on his knees and cried: “Oh God, Oh God, forgive me—what should I do?”
And from the thunder, a mighty voice spoke.
(You’re going to love this.)
“Repaint! Repaint! And thin no more!” —bc— Following is for all the dedicated English teachers in our Rockdale ISD: “Lexophile” is a word used to describe those of us who love words, such as: “You can tune a piano, but you can’t tuna fish,” or, “To write with a broken pencil is pointless.”
A Lexophile competition is held annually and, according to an email from Mark Brady, this year’s submissions were:
• When fish are in schools, they sometimes take debate.
• A thief who stole a calendar got 12 months.
• When the smog lifts in Los Angeles U.C.L.A.
• The batteries were given out free of charge.
• A dentist and a manicurist married but fought tooth and nail.
• A will is a dead giveaway.
• With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.
• Police were called to a day care center where a 3-year-old was resisting a rest.
• Did you hear about the fellow whose whole left side was cut off? He’s all right now.
• The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine is now fully recovered.
• He had a photographic memory which was never developed.
• When she saw her first strands of grey hair she thought she’d dye.
• Acupuncture is a jab well done.
• Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.
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