SPOILIN’ THE BROTH
BILL COOKE
(Here is a little medical humor from publisher emeritus Bill Cooke from 2012.)
Aha, a fresh Norwegian joke arrived in my inbox, always a welcome event.
Sven and Ole, two Minnesota engineers, were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking up.
A woman walks by and asks what they’re doing.
' Ve're supposed to find da height of dis flagpole, ' said Sven, 'but ve don't haff a ladder.'
The woman took a wrench from her purse, loosened a couple of bolts and laid the pole down on the ground.
Then she took a tape measure from her pocketbook, took a measurement and announced, “It’s 21 feet, six inches,' and walked away.
Ole shook his head and laughed. “Ain't dat just like a voman! Ve ask fer da height and she gives us da length!”
Sven and Ole soon quit their engineering jobs and are now serving their second terms in Congress. —bc— Another submission to my inbox is entitled “Hospital Chart Bloopers,” and are supposed to be actual writings from hospital charts. Perhaps they are, but certainly not from our own Richards Memorial:
• The patient refused autopsy.
• Patient has no previous history of suicide.
• Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.
• She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was extremely hot in bed last night.
• Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.
• On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it disappeared.
• Patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.
• Patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 2011.
• Discharge status: alive but without permission.
• Healthy appearing decrepit 66-year-old male, mentally alert but forgetful.
• Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.
• She is numb from her toes down.
• While in ER, she was examined, X-rated and sent home.
• The skin was moist and dry.
• Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.
• Patient alert and unresponsive.
• Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.
• She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce.
• I saw your patient today who is still under our car for physical therapy.
• Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.
• Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.
• The lab test indicates abnormal lover function
• Skin: somewhat pale but present.
• Pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.
• Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.
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