FALLING FAR FROM THE TREE
Someone sent me these quo te s whi ch a r e appropriate since I’ll be turning 60 in September. How did that happen?
“It’s paradoxical that the idea of living a long life appeals to everyone, but the idea of getting old doesn’t appeal to anyone.” — Andy Rooney.
“The older I get, the better I used to be.” — Lee Trevino, Professional Golfer.
“Nice to be here? At my age it’s nice to be anywhere.” — George Burns.
“The older I get, the more clearly I remember things that never happened. — Mark Twain.
“First you forget names, then you forget faces, then you forget to pull your zipper up, then you forget to pull your zipper down.” — Leo Rosenberg.
“Old age is like a plane f lying through a storm. Once you are aboard there is nothing you can do about it.” — Golda Meir.
“Old people shouldn’t eat health foods. They need all the preservatives they can get.” — Robert Orben.
“You spend 90 percent of your adult life hoping for a long rest and the last 10 percent trying to convince the Lord that you’re actually not that tired.” — Robert Brault.
“At my age, flowers scare me.” — George Burns.
“The years between 50 and 70 are the hardest. You are always being asked to do things, and yet you are not decrepit enough to turn them down.” — T.S. Elliot.
“The important thing to remember is that I’m probably going to forget.” — Unknown.
“At age 20, we worry about what others think of us... at age 40, we don’t care what they think of us... at age 60, we discover they haven’t been thinking of us at all.” -Ann Landers.
“We don’t grow older, we grow riper.” — Pablo Picasso.
“I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a lot more as they get older, and then it dawned on me—they’re cramming for their final exam.” — George Carlin, Comedian.
“Everything slows down with age, except the time it takes cake and ice cream to reach your hips.” — John Wagner.
“When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it’s a sure sign you’re getting old.” — Mark Twain.
“You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks.” — Joel Plaskett.
“There’s one advantage to being 102, there’s no peer pressure.” — Dennis Wolfberg.
“There are three stages of man: he believes in Santa Claus, he does not believe in Santa Claus, he is Santa Claus.” — Bob Phillips.
“Looking fifty is great— if you’re sixty.” — Joan Rivers.
“Time may be a great healer, but it’s a lousy beautician.” — Anonymous. —kwc— And on the opposite end of the spectrum, here are some saying from kids by way of Dolores Sonntag.
“Never trust a dog to watch your food.” Patrick, age 10.
“When your dad is mad and asks you, ‘Do I look stupid?’ don’t answer him. Michael, 14.
“Never tall your mom her diet is not working.” Michael, 14.
“Stay away from prunes.” Randy, 9.
“Don’t squat with your spurs on.” Noronha, 13.
“Don’t pull your dad’s finger when he tells you to.” Emily, 10.
“When you mom is mad at your dad, don’t let her brush your hair.” Taylia, 11 “Never let your threeyear- old brother in the same room as your school assignment.” Traci, 14 “Don’t sneeze in front of your mom when eating crackers.” Mitchell, 12.
“Puppies still have bad breath even after eating a Tic Tac.” Andrew, 9.
“Never hold a dust buster and a cat at the same time.”Kyoyo, 9.
“You can’t hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.” Amir, 9.
“Don’t wear polka dot underwear under white shorts.” Kellie, 11.
“If you want a kitten, start out by asking for a horse.” Naomi, 15.
“Felt markers are not good to use as lipstick.” Lauren, 9.
“Don’t pick on your sister when she is holding a baseball bat.” Joel, 10.
“When you get a bad grade in school, show it to your mom while she’s on the phone.” Alyesha, 13.
“Never try to baptize a cat.” Eileen, 8.
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