(A repeat of a 2011 column from Publisher Emeritus Bill Cooke.)
Signs of the Times On a septic tank truck: We’re No. 1 in the No. 2 business.
At a gynecologist’s office: Dr. Jones, at your cervix.
At a proctologist’s door: To ex pedite your visit, please back in.
On a plumbers truck: Don’t sleep with a drip. Call your plumber.
On a handy man’s truck: We repair what your husband fixed.
At a plastic surgeon’s office door: We can pick your nose.
On an electrician’s truck: Let us remove your shorts.
On a maternity room door: Push. Push. Push.
At an optometrist’s office: If you don’t see what you’re looking for, you’re in the right place.
On a taxidermist’s window: We really know our stuff.
Podiatrist’s office: Time wounds all heels.
Auto dealership: Best way to get back on your feet—miss a payment.
Veterinarian’s waiting room: Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!
At the electric company: We’ll be delighted if you send in your payment. But if you don’t, you will be.
In f ront of a f u ner al home: Drive carefully. We’ll wait.
Propane business: Tank heaven for little grills.
Second-hand shop: We exchange anything—bicycles, washing machines, whatever. Bring your wife along and get a wonderful bargain.
In health food store window: Closed due to illness. In a pasture: The farmer allows walkers to cross the field for free, but the bull charges.
Repair shop door: We can repair anything. (Please knock hard on the door, the bell doesn’t work).
Wrecker company: We don’t charge an arm and a leg. We want tows.
In a non-smoking area: If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action.
On a fence: Salesmen welc ome! D og food i s expensive.
Muffler Shop: No appointment necessary. We hear you coming.
Restaurant w indow: Don’t stand there and be hungry, come on in and get fed up.
On a septic tank truck: Ye s terday’s Meal s on Wheels.
At a tire shop: Invite us to your next blowout.
Second-hand shop: Guitar for sale—cheap—no strings attached.
Radiator shop: Best place in town to take a leak.
In an office: After coffee break, staff should empty the coffee pot and stand upside down on the draining board.
In an office building rest room: Toilet out of order. Please use floor below.
Dry cleaners window: Drop your pants here and you will receive prompt attention.
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