SPOILIN’ THE BROTH
Neighbor Grover sez old musicians never die, they just decompose.
For many years, a popular column in the Texas Bar Journal was written by U.S. District Judge Jerry Buchmeyer who collected funny things said in court—Q’s and A’s between lawyers and witnesses. These still circulate on the Internet, at times attributed to a book Disorder in the American Courts, and to court reporters who just couldn’t keep quiet any longer. Enjoy:
Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning? A: He said, ‘Where am I, Cathy?’ Q:: And why did that upset you? A: My name is Susan!
Q: What gear were you in at the moment of impact? A: Nike sweats and Reeboks.
Q: What is your date of birth? A: July 18th. Q: What year? A: Every year.
Q: Doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning? A: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all? A: Yes. Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory? A: I forget. Q: You forget? Can you give us an example of something that you’ve forgotten?
Q: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he? A: He’s 20, like your IQ.
Q: Are you sexually active? A: No. I just lie there.
Q: So the date of conception was Aug 8? A: Yes. Q: What were you doing at the time?
Q: She had three children, right? A: Yes. Q: How many were boys? A: None. Q: Were there any girls? A: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
Q: How was your first marriage terminated? A: By death. Q: And by whose death was it terminated? A: Take a guess.
Q: Can you describe the individual? A: He was about medium height and had a beard. Q: Male or a female? A: Unless the Circus was in town I’m going with male.
Q: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people? A: All of them. The live ones put up a fight.
Q: Doctor, what time did you examine the body? A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m. Q: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time? A: If not, he was by the time I finished.
Q: All responses must be oral, okay? Now, what school die you attend? A: Oral.
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