SPOILIN’ THE BROTH
Neighbor Grover sez it’s not what this world is coming to, but when.
Michael Bailey and our late son Kevin were best buds, each equipped with a sharp sense of humor and an adventuresome spirit.
Michael’s dad Adrian and I have laughed often recalling some escapades of their youth (and beyond). We probably knew only a fraction of them, thankfully.
Kevin left us way too young, at age 40 more than nine years ago. You fill those holes in your heart with good memories, and Michael has more than helped. He’s still a funny, fun-loving guy.
Back before Valentine’s Day wife Peg was at Walmart and was visiting with a friend. She turned around to catch a grinning Michael putting one bag of candy after another into her shopping cart.
This week Michael posted a version of a story about Walmart shopping you’ve probably seen. I printed one a few years back, but this had some fresh aspects. With a little sanitizing, it’s printable. Enjoy:
After I retired, my wife insisted I go with her on her trips to Walmart. I find shopping boring. My wife loves to browse. Yesterday my wife received the following letter from Walmart:
Dear Mrs. Woolf, for six months, your husband has caused much trouble in our store. We cannot tolerate this any longer and have been forced to ban both of you. These complaints against him are documented by video surveillance cameras.
• June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people’s carts when they weren’t looking.
• July 7: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
• July 19: Ran up to an employee and told her in an offi cial voice, ‘Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it!’ This caused the employee to leave her station and receive a reprimand from her supervisor that in turn resulted in management getting involved, causing lost time and costing the company money.
• Aug. 14: Moved a ‘Caution—Wet Floor’ sign to a carpeted area.
• Aug. 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told children shoppers they could come in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department, and 20 children did so.
• Aug. 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he screamed, ‘Why can’t you people just leave me alone?’ EMS medics were called.
• Sept. 4: Looked right into the security camera while he picked his nose.
• Sept. 10: While handling guns in Sporting Goods, asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.
• Oct. 6: In Automotive, practiced his ‘Madonna look’ by using various funnels.
• Oct. 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed by, yelled ‘Pick me! Pick me!’
• Oct. 22: During a loud speaker announcement, assumed the fetal position and screamed ‘Oh no! It’s those voices again!’
• Took a box of condoms to the checkout clerk and asked where the fi tting room was.
• Oct. 23: Went into a fit-ting room, shut the door, waited awhile, and then yelled, ‘Hey! There’s no toilet paper in here.’
- Log in or Subscribe to post comments.