For the first time in many weeks, I did not have to get up on Saturday morning to take photos of anything for the paper. Saturday night I could have stayed up late, but I actually went to bed at 9 p.m., and my nearly 86-year-old mom and my already 88-year-old dad were still awake when I did.
It was nice to have such a relaxing weekend after being so busy over the leadup to Christmas. I thoroughly enjoyed having to be nowhere for a change. -kwc And how about some more laziness? I’m sharing something with you that was sent by my Dad.
• I’ve learned that pleasing everyone is impossible, but ticking everyone off is a piece of cake.
• If you find yourself feeling useless, remember it took 20 years, trillions of dollars, and four presidents to replace the Taliban with the Taliban.
• I’m responsible for what I say, not what you understand.
• Common sense is like deodorant. The people who need it the most never use it.
• My tolerance for idiots is extremely low these days. I used to have some immunity built up, but obviously there's a new strain out there.
• It’s not my age that bothers me; it’s the side effects.
• I’m not saying I’m old and worn out, but I make sure I’m nowhere near the curb on trash day.
• As I watch this generation try and rewrite our history, I'm sure of one thing: It will be misspelled and have no punctuation.
• Me, sobbing: 'I can't see you anymore. I'm not going to let you hurt me again.'
My Trainer: 'It was just one sit-up.”
• As I’ve gotten older, people think I’ve become lazy. The truth is I’m just being more energy efficient.
• I haven't gotten anything done today. I've been in the Produce Department trying to open this stupid plastic bag.
• Turns out that being a 'senior' is mostly just googling how to do stuff.
• I want to be 18 again and ruin my life differently. I have new ideas.
• I'm on two diets. I wasn't getting enough food on one.
• I put my scale in the bathroom corner and that's where the little liar will stay until it apologizes.
• My mind is like an internet browser. At least 19 open tabs, 3 of them are frozen, and I have no clue where the music is coming from.
• Hard to believe I once had a phone attached to a wall, and when it rang, I picked it up without knowing who was calling.
• Apparently RSVPing to a wedding invitation 'Maybe next time' isn't the correct response.
• She says I keep pushing her buttons. If that were true, I would have found mute by now.
• Sometimes the Universe puts you in the same situation again to see if you’re still a dummy.
• There is no such thing as a grouchy old person. The truth is that once you get old, you stop being polite and start being honest.
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