Neighbor Grover sez a clearance sale is when you can get fantastic bargains on clothing you couldn’t afford if they had your size.
Story of the week was sent along by Mary Jane Boyd of our town who admits to occasionally reading this insignificant corner of the newspaper.
It seems this kid had swallowed a coin and it got stuck in his throat, and so his mother ran out in the street yelling for help.
A man passing by took the boy by his shoulders and hit him with a few strong strokes on the back, and the youth coughed out the coin.
“I don’t know how to thank you, doctor,” his mother exclaimed.
“I’m not a doctor,” the man replied, “I’m from the Internal Revenue Service.”
—bcA timely story that is, too, as April 15 is just 10 days away from the date of this Reporter issue.
So if you haven’t shoe-boxed your tax stuff for your tax preparer yet, time to hunker down.
Which sent me on a mission of finding some IRS humor:
• The Taxpayer’s prayer: “Oh Mighty Internal Revenue Service, who turneth the labor of man to ashes, we thank thee for the multitude of thy forms which thou hast set before us and for the infinite confusion of thy commandments, which mulitplyth the fortunes of lawyer and accountant alike.” — Russell Baker
• “We’ll try to cooperate fully with the IRS, because, as citizens, we feel a strong patriotic duty not to go to jail.”—Dave Barry
• “Next to being shot at and missed, nothing is really quite as satisfying as an income tax refund.”—F. J. Raymond
• “Abolish the IRS! Stamp out organized crime!”— Evel Knievel
• “I am proud to be paying taxes in the United States. The only thing is—I could be just as proud for half the money.”— Arthur Godfrey
• “People who complain about taxes can be divided into two classes: men and women.”— Unknown
• “Like mothers, taxes are often misunderstood, but seldom forgotten.”—Lord Bramwell, 19th Century English jurist
• “The best measure of a man’s honesty isn’t his income tax return. It’s the zero adjust on his bathroom scale.”—Arthur C. Clarke
• “A tax loophole is “something that benefits the other guy. If it benefits you, it is tax reform.”— U.S. Sen. Russell B. Long
• “Few of us ever test our powers of deduction, except when filling out an income tax form.”— Laurence J. Peter.
• “Why does a ‘slight tax increase’ cost you $200 and a ‘substantial tax cut’ saves you 30 cents?”— Peg Bracken
• “Income tax has made more liars out of the American people than golf.”—Will Rogers
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