Neighbor Grover sez he lives in his own little world because everyone there knows him.
Haven’t visited tombstone humor in a long time, but people of good humor can leave a lasting impression—carved in granite. Comedian Rodney Dangerfield, for instance, had his tombstone inscribed:
There goes the neighborhood.
And TV host Merv Griffin’s stone said:
I’ll be right back after these messages.
Here are more examples (skipping the names and dates and getting straight to the punch lines):
• Go away. I’m asleep.
• I told you I was sick!
• (In small letters at the bottom of the headstone):
If you can read this, you’re standing on my boobs.
• Well, this sure sucks.
• I finally found a place to park in Georgetown.
• Here lies an atheist, all dressed up and no place to go.
• Damn, it’s dark down here.
• I came here without being consulted and I leave without my consent.
• Pardon me for not rising.
(On the tombstone of the great Mel Blanc, “a man of 1,000 voices” including Donald Duck, Pluto, Mickey Mouse, Daffey Duck, Porky Pig and hundreds more characters. Th-th-that’s all, folks! And a poem for the ages:
• Uncle Walter loved to spend He had no money in the end But with many a whiskey And many a wife He really did enjoy his life. Getting the last word:
• Now I know someone you don’t!
• Died for not forwarding that stupid email to 10 people.
• He loved bacon.
• Let me out NOW!
• Looked up the elevator shaft to see if the car was coming down. It was.
• I made some good deals and some bad deals, and I really went in the hole on this one.
• If I made just one person smile, it was worth it.
• Does this headstone make me look fat?
• At least I don’t have to go to any more meetings! (Boy we can all relate to that one.)
• My mother-in-law’s chicken is to die for.
• I’m finally thin!
• I was so loaded I didn’t know it was loaded.
• This ain’t what I meant when I said ‘Over My Dead Body!’
• I’ve found my niche.
• Well, stuff happens.
• Wait, I wanted a tomb with a view.
• Come back at midnight. We’ll talk.
• My healthcare deductible was too high.
• OMG! Where am I? And finally, my favorite:
• He done his best.
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