Ablonde had never been to the church for many years. She always promised to go but never did.
One day, the Pastor was stunned when he saw her walk in for the Sunday Service. Thereafter, she was at every Sunday service, every Prayer Meet, every homegroup meet, etc.
Three months later, after the service, the Pastor asked, “I am glad to see the wonderful change in you. You had always dodged church and now it looks like you can’t get enough of it?”
She replied, “It’s this new car of mine, Pastor. They told me the warranty would lapse if I missed even one Service!” —kwc— A man and a woman are involved in a terrible car accident. Both vehicles are completely wrecked, but miraculously, neither of them is hurt.
They crawl out of their cars, and the woman says, “So, you’re a man, that’s interesting. I’m a woman. Look at our cars! They’re completely destroyed, but here we are, unharmed. This must be a sign from God that we were meant to meet and live in peace for the rest of our lives.”
The man nods, “I agree, this must be a sign from God!”
The woman continues, “And look at this, another miracle! My car is totaled, but this bottle of wine survived without a scratch. Surely, God wants us to drink it and celebrate our good fortune!”
She hands the bottle to the man, who happily agrees, opens it, and drinks half the bottle. He then hands it back to the woman.
The woman takes the bottle, corks it and hands it back to the man.
Puzzled, the man asks, “Aren’t you having any?”
With a sly smile, the woman replies, “No, I think I’ll just wait for the police.” —kwc— A small town had four churches Presbyterian, Methodist, Catholic and Baptist.
All four had a serious problem with squirrels in the church. Each church in its own fashion had a meeting to deal with the problem.
The Presbyterians decided that it was predestined that squirrels be in the church and that they would just have to live with them.
The Methodists decided they should deal with the squirrels lovingly in the style of Charles Wesley. They humanely trapped them and released them in a park at the edge of town. Within three days, they were all back in the church.
The Cathol ic s a l so humanely trapped them and attempted to teach them the “rhythm” method which of course did not work.
The Baptists had the best solution. They voted the squirrels in as members. Now they only see them at Christmas and Easter.
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