FALLING FAR FROM THE TREE
Here’s a little newspaper humor for you. Steve l ived a l l his life in the Florida Keys and is on his deathbed and knows the end is near. His nurse, his wife, his daughter and two sons are with him. He asks for two witnesses to be present, and a camcorder be in place to record his last wishes, and when all is ready, he begins to speak: “My son, Doug, I want you to take the Ocean Reef houses.”
“My daughter, Kelly, you take the apartments between mile markers 100 and Tavernier.”
“My son, Kevin, I want you to take the offices over in the Marathon Government Center.”
“Cathy, my dear wife, please take all the residential buildings on the bay side on Blackwater Sound.”
The nurse and witnesses are blown away as they did not realize his extensive holdings, and as Steve slips away, the nurse says, “Your husband must have been such a hard-working man to have accumulated all this property.”
The wife replies, “The idiot had a paper route.” —kwc— And a few funny newspaper headlines that perhaps weren’t thought through very well.
“Homicide victims rarely talk to police” “Miracle cure kills fifth patient” “Barbershop singers bring joy to school for deaf” “City unsure why the sewer smells” “17 remain dead in morgue shooting spree” “Man accused of killing lawyer receives new attorney” “Starvation can lead to health hazards” “Hospitals resort to hiring doctors” “Parents keep kids home to protest school closure” “Federal agents raid gun shop, find weapons” “Diana was still alive hours before she died” “Total lunar eclipse will be broadcast live on Northwoods Public Radio” “Meeting on open meetings is closed” “Tiger Woods plays with own balls, Nike says” “New sick policy requires two-day notice” “Study shows that teen pregnancy drops off significantly after age 25” “Bugs flying around with winds are flying bugs” “Marijuana issue sent to a joint committee” “China may be using sea to hide its submarines” “Kayaking is hard when the water is frozen” “Cop makes arrest in bathroom after smelling crack” “Females likelier to test for women”s diseases” “Survey finds fewer deer after hunt” “People think aliens must be more smarter than us” “Health officials: pools, diarrhea not a good mix” “Pork found in moose lasagna” “Jail time can hinder job hunt” “Psychics predict the world didn’t end yesterday” “Senior Center holds old bag sale” “ On e - a rme d m a n applauds the kindness of strangers”
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