(An oldie but a goodie from Publisher Emeritus Bill Cooke—and Grover— from April 21, 2016.)
Neighbor Grover sez he has ‘electile dysfunction’— the inability to get aroused by any presidential candidate in this 2016 campaign, and he’s pretty sure he’s not alone.
Neighbor Grover also told me the following story: “I was at Cabela’s Sporting Goods and ready to pay for my purchase of gunpowder and shells and the cashier said: ‘Strip down, facing me!’
“Making a mental note to complain to the NRA about the gun control wackos running amok, I did just as she had instructed.
“When the hysterical shrieking and the alarms finally subsided, I found out that she was referring to how I should place my credit card in the card-reader.
“I’ve been asked to shop elsewhere. I think there should be a petition drive to force all retailers to standardize those credit-card readers. No two are alike.
“And they need to make their instructions to us seniors a little clearer.” —bc— A number of people have asked where I get all my Neighbor Grover quotes. (Three constitutes ‘a number,’ doesn’t it?)
I freely admit I steal them from anywhere I can. And I have 4 or 5 or 10 loyal readers who spot some potential Grovers and email them to me, free of charge, of course, because they know what a tightwad I am.
Anyway, I’ve been doing this column hat trick for something like 56 years, and Grover has been a fixture for maybe 40 years.
“Have you ever repeated one or do you keep a log so you won’t do so?” you ask. You didn’t really ask that, but in case you are curious I recently went back and reviewed 40 years of these brilliant masterpieces and found that I have, indeed, repeated a few Grovers. But only 212 times, or maybe it was 312, I forgot.
Nathan Baker confesses to reading this foolishness each week and he sent along some stuff t hat I put in my “Fodder for Grovers” file.
And they include:
• Neighbor Grover sez he doesn’t like to brag, but he finished a 14-day diet in 3 hours and 20 minutes.
• Neighbor Grover sez a study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than men who mention it. (Yes, that’s a repeat but it’s soooo good.)
• Neighbor Grover sez kids don’t know how easy they have it, because when he was their age he had to walk 9 feet through shag carpet to change the TV channel.
• Neighbor Grover sez a thief broke into his house the other night and started searching for money, so he got up and searched with him.
• Neighbor Grover sez when Daylight Savings Time started he set his bathroom scales back 10 pounds.
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