FALLING FAR FROM THE TREE
I’ve been getting a lot of reminders from the place I get my contact lenses from telling me I should be out, and I need to order again. I wear the kind that you’re supposed to take out every night, but I wear the same pair for a month. I mostly remember to take them out every night, but I’m sure I wear each pair for longer than 30 days.
Anyway, I decided to check my supply and sure enough it was time to order again. I had one for my right eye left and two for my left eye. I decided I would change them to the last pair, and order more, so I took them out of their packaging and put them into my contact case with some solution.
The next morning, Monday, I put the new ones in, but they were really bothering me which is unusual. Once I got to work, I decided to look up my prescription and realized I had put my left contact into my right eye and vice versa. Okay problem solved. Or so I thought.
It was a usual busy Monday, and I was really having trouble seeing and the contacts were really bothering me. I took them out several times and re-wet them and put them back in, but my vision was still awful.
I was supposed to go to a city council meeting that night, but I couldn’t stand it and went home and took my contacts out immediately, which I do after work every day. I felt a little relief but my eyes were still bothering me.
I rubbed them and put some eye drops in hoping that would help. Oddly, I couldn’t feel the eye drops going into my eye. It turned out that I still had the old pair of contacts in, and I put the new pair right on top of them! I took them out immediately and felt much better.
It’s hell getting old. —kwc— A reader sent me this oldie but goodie and it’s worth a repeat. I don’t know who sent it.
The local news station was interviewing an 80-year-old lady because she had just gotten married for the fourth time.
The interviewer asked her questions about her life, and what it felt like to be marrying again at 80, and then about her new husband’s occupation.
“He’s a funeral director,” she answered.
Interesting, the news man thought.
He then asked her if she wouldn’t mind telling him a little about her first three husbands and what they did for a living.
She paused for a few moments, needing time to reflect on all those years. After a short time, a smile came to her face and she answered proudly, explaining that she had first married a banker in er 20s, then a circus ringmaster when in her 40s, and a preacher when in her 60s, and now — in her 80s — a funeral director.
The interviewer looked at her, quite astonished, and asked why she had married four men with such diverse careers.
She smiled and explained, “I married one for the money, two for the show, three to get ready, and four to go.”
- Log in or Subscribe to post comments.