I received the following from one of my fans and it is a fun read.
• One tequila, two tequila, three tequila......floor.
• Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
• If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
• The main reason that Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
• I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, “Where’s the self-help section?” She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.
• What if there were no hypothetical questions?
• If a deaf child signs swear words, does his mother wash his hands with soap?
• If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
• Is there another word for synonym?
• Where do forest rangers go to “get away from it all?”
• What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?
• If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?
• Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
• Why do they lock gas station toilets? Are they afraid someone will breakin and clean them?
• If a turtle doesn’t have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
• Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?
• If the police arrest a mute, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?
• Why do they put braille on the drive-through bank machines?
• How do they get deer to cross the road only at those yellow road signs?
• What was the best thing before sliced bread?
• One nice thing about egotists, they don’t talk about other people.
• Does the little mermaid wear an algebra? (This one took me a minute).
• How is it possible to have a civil war?
• If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown too?
• If you ate both pasta and antipasto, would you still be hungry?
• If you try to fail and succeed, which have you done?
• Whose cruel idea was it for the word ‘lisp’ to have ‘s’ in it?
• Why is it called tourist season if we can’t shoot at them?
• Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?
• If you spin an oriental man in a circle three times, does he become disoriented?
• Can an atheist get insurance against acts of God?
• Why do shops have signs, ‘guide dogs only'? The dogs can’t read and their owners are blind? kyle@rockdalereporter.com
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