(Here is some funny stuff from Publisher Emeritus Bill Cooke from April of 2016.)
Neighbor Grover sez Cinderella got kicked off the softball team because she ran away from the ball.
Neighbor Gary Griesbach recently sent me a “new and improved” list of clever signs that various businesses have created for their own amusement as well as for entertaining their clients and getting in a little advertising to boot.
I say “new and improved” because no doubt you have seen some of these before and, in fact, I have had many of them in this column in the past. But enjoy the new, improved aspect:
• Sign in a shoe repair store in Vancouver: We will heel you. We will save your sole. We will even dye for you.
• Sign in a podiatrist’s office: Time wounds all heels.
• Sign in an optometrist’s office: If you don’t see what you’re looking for, you’ve come to the right place.
• Sign on a plumber’s truck: We repair what your husband fixed.
• Sign on another plumber’s truck: Don’t sleep with a drip. Call your plumber.
• Sign over a gynecologist’s office:
Dr. Jones, at your cervix.
• Sign at a tire shop in Milwaukee: Invite us to your next blowout.
• Sign on an electrician’s truck: Let us remove your shorts.
• Sign in a non-smoking area:
• If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and will take appropriate action.
• Sign on a maternity room door: Push! Push! Push!
• Sign at a car dealership: The best way to get back on your feet—miss a car payment.
• Sign outside a muffler shop: No appointment necessary. We hear you coming.
• Sign on a septic tank truck: Yesterday’s Meals on Wheels.
• Sign in a veterinarian’s waiting room: Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!
• Sign at the electric company:
We would be delighted if you send in your payment on time. However, if you don’t, YOU will be de-lighted.
• Sign in a restaurant window: Don’t stand there and be hungry; come on in and get fed up.
• Sign in the front yard of a funeral home: Drive carefully. We’ll wait.
• Sign at a propane company:
Thank heaven for little grills.
• Sign in a Chicago radiator shop: Best place in town to take a leak.
And finally, one that’s real timely.
• Sign on the back of another septic tank truck: Caution—This truck is full of political promises.
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