SPOILIN’ THE BROTH
Neighbor Grover sez Walt Disney didn’t die; he’s in suspended animation.
Some classic classified ads have run in various newspapers hither and yon over time. Of course, none of the following appeared in The Reporter. At least I don’t think they did but I’ve only been around this place 82 years.
FOR SALE—Washer and dryer. Like new. Must sell. Joining a nudist colony. $300 fi rm.
FOR SALE—Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica, 45 volumes, excellent condition. $1,000 or best offer. No longer needed. Got married. Wife knows everything.
FOR SALE—Wedding dress, worn once by mistake. Call Stephanie.
FOR SALE—Georgia peaches, California grown, 89 cents a pound.
FOR SALE—Nordic Track exercise machine. Hardly used. Call Chubby.
FOR SALE—Cows, calves, never bred. Also one useless bull.
FREE—German Shepherd, male, 85 pounds, neutered. Speaks fluent German.
FREE PUPPIES—One-half Cocker Spaniel, one-half sneaky neighbor’s dog.
FREE—Yorkshire terrier, 8 years old. Hateful little bugger. Bites.
FREE PUPPIES—Part Labrador Retriever, part stupid hound.
FOUND—Dirty white dog, looks like a rat. Been out a while. Better be a reward.
—bc—Following story came from the late, great Joe Hedrick Sr. of Franklin, coach, teacher, administrator, and a great friend with whom I spent many hours on the tennis court and in conversation.
I printed this 17 years ago. Worth repeating:
A young seminary student was working at his summer job, selling Bibles in the hills and hollows of rural West Virginia. It was August and hot. Late one day, having not made a sale, he was ready to give up but spotted an isolated cabin on a ridge about 400 yards from the road.
He gathered up his sample box and wearily climbed the steep hill to the cabin.
He was greeted by an elderly woman who sat rocking on the porch She invited him to sit down and cool off in the shade. She listened to his sales pitch but didn’t buy and his disappointment was evident.
Feeling sorry for him, she asked him if he would like a glass of cold buttermilk and he said “Oh yes, ma’m!”
She went out behind the cabin to the spring house and poured a big glass of cold buttermilk. Then, remembering his downcast look, she went to a gallon jug of double-run corn whiskey and added about three fingers of that clear liquid.
She returned and he drank gratefully and felt better. She asked if he’d like another, he agreed and she repeated the process. He felt greatly rejuvenated. Thanking her warmly, he started walking to the road but stopped and came back to the porch.
“Ma’m,” he said, scribbling down his name and address, “I know you’d never sell that milk cow, but if she ever has a heifer calf, I hope you’ll give me a chance to buy it.”
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