Richard Red Skelton (July 18, 1913 – September 17, 1997) was an American entertainer best known for his national radio and television shows between 1937 and 1971, especially as host of the television program The Red Skelton Show.
Here are some of his one-liners about the secret to a perfect marriage.
• Two times a week we go to a nice restaurant, have a little beverage, good food and companionship. She goes on Tuesdays, I go on Fridays.
• We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in California and mine is in Texas.
• I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.
I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary. “Somewhere I haven’t been in a long time,” she said. So I suggested the kitchen.
• We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
• She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread maker. She said, “There are too many gadgets, and no place to sit down!” So I bought her an electric chair.
• My wife told me the car wasn’t running well because there was water in the carburetor. I asked where the car was. She told me, “In the lake.”
• She got a mud pack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off.
• She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, “Am I too late for the garbage?” The driver said, “No, jump in!”.
• Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.
• I married Miss Right. I just didn’t know her first name was ‘Always’.
• I haven’t spoken to my wife in 18 months. I don’t like to interrupt her.
• The last fight was my fault though. My wife asked, “What’s on the TV?” I said, “Dust!” —kwc— I ran across this and thought it was interesting, so here are 19 facts you didn’t know about Japan. I didn’t know any of these, but I’ve also never been there.
• Japan consists of over 6,800 islands, with the four largest being Honshu, Hokkaido, Kyushu, and Shikoku.
• Japan has the highest life expectancy in the world, with an average lifespan of around 85 years.
• The Japanese railway system is one of the most punctual in the world, with trains typically running on time to the second.
• Japan is home to over 1,500 earthquakes each year due to its location on the Pacific Ring of Fire.
• Japan has more than 50,000 people who are over 100 years old, making it one of the world’s leaders in centenarians.
• The Japanese consume about 24 billion instant ramen packs each year.
• Sumo wrestling is Japan’s national sport and has a history spanning over 1,500 years.
• Japan has over 6,000 islands that are uninhabited.
• In Japan, tipping is considered rude and is not customary in restaurants or other service industries.
• The Japanese archipelago stretches over 3,000 kilometers from north to south.
• The world’s oldest company still in operation, Nishiyama Onsen Keiunkan, has been operating since 705 AD and is located in Yamanashi Prefecture, Japan.
• There’s a Japanese island called Ōkunoshima, commonly known as “Rabbit Island” where hundreds of friendly rabbits roam freely.
• Japan has more than 3,000 McDonald’s restaurants, the second-highest number of McDonald’s outlets in the world after the United States.
• Japan has more than 200 volcanoes, 108 of which are considered active.
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