SPOILIN’ THE BROTH
Many suns and moons ago Peg and I and Harold and Martha Parsley enjoyed several days in Cancun. This was so long go, in fact, that Cancun was quite a bargain, just before it exploded with resort construction.
One day I went for a long walk along the beach and arrived at a lighthouse right on the point of the Yucatan peninsula. The Gulf of Mexico was to the left of the lighthouse, the Caribbean to the right.
The spot was deserted except for one Japanese man who was taking photos, with a Japanese film camera, of course. This was decades before the miracle of digital photography, or digital anything else for that matter.
We greeted each other, admired each other’s cameras, remarked about the scenery and had somewhat of a conversation considering I know no Japanese words and he knew just enough English to get by.
I told him I was from Texas and asked where he was from. His answer was “Hiroshima.”
Then, he spread his arms wide and said “BOOM! Atom bomb! Velly velly bad! Velly velly bad!”
We parted ways and a few minutes later my slow brain finally engaged. I turned around to yell “PEARL HARBOR! Sneak attack! Very bad, very bad!”
But he was nowhere in sight. I was just too slow on the uptake.
I write all of this as a lead-in to a story sent to me by Greg Nichols of our town. It’s about a young man who was definitely not slow on the uptake. Enjoy:
One afternoon, a produce manager was washing lettuce. He felt a tap on his shoulder and turned to see a small, elderly woman.
“I would like to buy half this grapefruit,” she said.
“I’m sorry, ma’am,” he said. “We only sell whole grapefruits.”
Instantly she became adamant: “But I can’t eat a whole grapefruit. I want to buy half of this grapefruit!”
“Pardon me one moment,” he said, and he walked to the front to the store manager’s window. “Sir, there’s a ridiculous, stubborn woman in the produce department who wants to buy half a grapefruit.” He turned and there was the woman standing right beside him.
“And this lovely woman would like to buy the other half,” he quickly added.
The woman left satisfied. The store manager said to the produce manager, “Son, I’ve never before seen anyone think so fast on their feet. Where do you hail from?”
“Philadelphia, sir; home of the world’s greatest football team and the ugliest women on earth.”
“Oh yeah?” said the store manager. “My wife’s from Philadelphia!”
Quicker than lightning came the response, “Really, sir? What position does she play?”
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