FALLING FAR FROM THE TREE
When one door closes and another door opens, you are probably in prison.
To me, 'drink responsibly' means don't spill it.
Age 60 might be the new 40, but 9 p.m. is the new midnight.
It's the start of a brand new day, and I'm off like a herd of turtles.
The older I get, the earlier it gets late.
When I say, 'The other day,' I could be referring to any time between yesterday and 15 years ago.
I remember being able to get up without making sound effects. Good times.
I had my patience tested. I'm negative.
Remember, if you lose a sock in the dryer, it comes back as a Tupperware lid that doesn't fit any of your containers.
If you're sitting in public and a stranger takes the seat next to you, just stare straight ahead and say, 'Did you bring the money?'
When you ask me what I am doing today, and I say 'nothing,' it does not mean I am free. It means I am doing nothing.
I finally got eight hours of sleep. It took me three days, but whatever.
I run like the winded. (I don’t actually run. Ever.)
I hate when a couple argues in public, and I missed the beginning and don't know whose side I'm on.
When someone asks what I did over the weekend, I squint and ask, 'Why, what did you hear?'
When you do squats, are your knees supposed to sound like a goat chewing on an aluminum can stuffed with celery?
I don't mean to interrupt people. I just randomly remember things and get really excited.
When I ask for directions, please don't use words like 'east.'
Don't bother walking a mile in my shoes. That would be boring. Spend 30 seconds in my head. That'll freak you right out.
Sometimes, someone unexpected comes into your life out of nowhere, makes your heart race, and changes you forever. We call those people cops.
My luck is like a bald guy who just won a comb. —kwc— I hope all of you moms had a happy Mother’s Day. Mine did even though it is a bittersweet holiday for her since my late brother, Kevin, was born on Mother’s Day in 1968.
Sister-in-law, Noelia, made her annual spring shrimp boil, and it was delicious as usual. I avoided the potatoes because of my new diet restrictions, but I can never pass up corn. I did pig out on shrimp and sausage though. Noelia made homemade bread which I also have trouble passing up, so I didn’t bother testing my blood sugar the following morning. Out of sight, out of mind.
We made plans for Father’s Day last weekend as well. It’s going to be lots of different kinds of tacos on homemade corn tortillas with homemade salsas and guacamole. Looking forward to that. —kwc— Plans are underway for Rockdale’s July 4th celebration and there is still time for local businesses to sponsor some of the games and prizes. Call Chamber Executive Director Denise Brock to get your company’s name in front of lots of folks in Milam County.
The fun will begin at 6 p.m. on Tuesday, July 4 at Fair Park.
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