SPOILIN’ THE BROTH
Well, we have a new year three weeks in progress and it seems a fitting time to share some religious humor.
You can thank Reporter reader Griff Singer of Austin, a retired journalism professor and great friend of our family, for this first item. It’s a message on a roadside welcome sign at Crystal Methodist Church of Effingham, SC:
Adultery is a sin. You can’t have your Kate and Edith too.
—bc—
And from Reporter reader Mike Barry of Marble Falls, a yarn that pokes equal-opportunity ecumenical fun. We’ll assume this occurred in a small town not unlike ours. Enjoy.
The Presbyterian church called a meeting to decide what to do about their squirrel infestation. After much prayer and consideration, they concluded the squirrels were predestined to be there and they shouldn’t interfere with God’s will.
At the Baptist church the squirrels had taken an interest in the baptistery. The deacons met and decided to put a water-slide on the baptistery and let the squirrels drown themselves. But the squirrels loved the slide and, unfortunately, knew instinctively how to swim. Twice as many squirrels showed up the following week.
The Lutheran church decided that they were not in a position to harm any of God’s creatures. So, they humanely trapped their squirrels and set them free near the Baptist Church. Two weeks later the squirrels were back when the Baptists took down their water-slide.
The Catholic church came up with a very creative strategy. They baptized all the squirrels and made them members of the church. Now they only see them at Christmas and Easter.
Not much was heard from the Jewish synagogue. They took the first squirrel and circumcised him. They haven’t seen a squirrel since.
—bc—
And a few more:
• A Sunday school teacher was teaching the Ten Commandments to her five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to “honor thy father and thy mother,” she asked,” Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?”
One little boy shouted, “Thou shall not kill.”
• Can anyone explain why a $10 bill looks so small at the grocery store but so big in the church collection plate?
• A church had a picnic and invited the entire community. The Pastor placed a basket full of apples on one end of a table with a sign saying, “Take only one apple, please. Remember that God is watching.”
On the other end of the table was a plate of cookies where one of the children had placed a sign saying, “Take all the cookies you want. God is watching the apples.”
- Log in or Subscribe to post comments.