FALLING FAR FROM THE TREE
Mom and a bunch of her friends had a visit here recently with Pearlie Mack who shared the following with mom. She cut it out of the newspaper in mom’s column in 1999, but it is really a repeat from a 1914 issue of The Reporter.
Tale of a Tightwad We once knew a man who was too stingy to take the newspaper in his hometown and always went over to borrow his neighbor’s paper.
One evening he sent his son over to borrow the paper, and while the son was on his way, he ran into a large stand of bees and in a in a few minutes his face looked like a summer squash.
Hearing the agonized cries of the son, the farmer ran to his assistance and in doing so, ran into a barbed wire fence, cutting a handful of flesh from his anatomy and ruining a $4 pair if trousers.
The old cow took advantage of the hole in the fence, got into the corn field and killed herself eating green corn.
Hearing the racket, the stingy man’s wife ran out of the house upsetting a four-gallon churn full of cream into a basket of kittens, drowning the whole flock. She slipped on the cream, and fell down the stairs, breaking her leg and a $19 pair of false teeth.
The baby, left alone, crawled through the spilled cream into the parlor and ruined a $40 carpet.
During the excitement the daughter and the hired man eloped, taking the family savings with them.
The moral is that every man should be a subscriber to his hometown newspaper. —kwc— “There will be a meeting of the Church Board immediately after the service,” announced the pastor.
After the close of the service, the Church Board gathered at the back of the sanctuary for the announced meeting. But a stranger was in their midst — a visitor who had never attended their church.
“My friend,” said the pastor, “didn’t you understand that this is a meeting of the Board?”
“Yes,” said the visitor, “and after today’s sermon, I suppose I’m just about as bored as anyone else who came to this meeting.” —kwc— A Sunday school teacher asked her children on the way to service, “And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?”
One little girl replied, “Because people are sleeping.”
—kwc— A little boy ran home from Sunday School telling his Mom excitedly, “I learned God’s name today!”
She asked, “Oh, what is it?”
He responded, “Andy!” Mom, said, “How did you learn that?
The little boy sings, “From the song - Andy walks with me. Andy talks with me. Andy tells me I am His own!”
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