Ateacher places four worms in four separate test tubes: The 1st in beer.
The 2nd in wine. The 3rd in whiskey and The 4th in mineral water. The next day, the teacher shows the results to her students.
The 1st worm in beer, dead.
The 2nd worm in wine, dead.
The 3rd worm in whiskey, dead.
The 4th in the mineral water, alive and healthy.
The teacher asks the class: What do we learn from this experience?
And a child responds: Whoever drinks beer, wine and whiskey does not have worms. —kwc— In 1889, Tit-Bits magazine offered a prize to the spinster who could provide the best answer to the question: Why are you still single? The results proved far too hilariously on point for the magazine to choose just a single winner. Instead, they published their favorites and gave each winner five shillings – the equivalent of about $26 today.
The Victorians are most commonly known for their morbid death and mourning customs, but the quotes found here prove they were no stranger to comedy.
• “I am now only a dairymaid. If married I should be wife, mother, nurse, housekeeper, chambermaid, seamstress, laundress, dairymaid, and scrub generally.”
• “Because I have other professions open to me in which the hours are shorter, the work more agreeable, and the pay possibly better.”
• “For good men are scarce, but fools there are plenty, that’s why I am single at seven-and-twenty.”
• “Because I do not care to enlarge my menagerie of pets, and I find the animal man less docile than a dog, less affectionate than a cat, and less amusing than a monkey.”
• “Because matrimony is like an electric battery (...) once you join hands you can’t let go, however much it hurts; and, as when embarked on a toboggan slide, you must go to the bitter end, however much it bumps.”
• “I’m a derelict cargo of treasure on the shore of the nuptial sea.”
• “Because men, like three-cornered tarts, (...) are very pleasing to the eye, but on closer (inspection) prove hollow and stale.”
• “Like the wild mustang of the prairie that roams unfet tered, tossing his head in utter disdain at the approach of the lasso which, if once round his neck, proclaims him captive, so I find it more delightful to tread on the verge of freedom and captivity, than to allow the snarer to cast around me the matrimonial lasso.”
• “Because (like a piece of rare china) I am breakable, and mendable, but difficult to match.”
• “My reason for being a spinster is answered in a quotation from the Taming of the Shrew: ‘Of all the men alive I never yet beheld that special face which I could fancy more than any other.’”
• “Because I am an English lady, and the Americans monopolize the market.”
• “Because I am like the Rif le Volunteers: always ready, but not yet wanted.”
• “John, whom I loved, was (replaced) in his office by a g irl, w ho i s d oing t he same amount of work he did for half the salary he received. He could not earn (enough money) to keep a home, so (he) went abroad; consequently, I am still a spinster.”
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