Texans have a way with words. Here are some typical Texas sayings you may have heard or said yourself.
If something is acceptable, Texans say “It’s better than a poke in the eye with a sharp stick.”
A dishonest person might be described as “crooked as a dog’s hind leg” or “I wouldn’t trust him any farther than I could throw him.”
There are a lot of ways Texans describe someone who is argumentative or angry including: “She could start a fight in an empty house. He’d argue with a wooden Indian. She raised hell and stuck a chunk under it. He’s the only hell his mama ever raised. He’s got his tail up. She’s in a horn-tossing mood. She’s so contrary she floats up-stream. She’s dancing in the hog trough. He’ll tell you how the cow ate the cabbage.”
If the weather is dry, Texans say “So dry the birds are building their nests out of barbed wire. So dry the catfish are carrying canteens. So dry the trees are bribing the dogs. So dry my duck don’t know how to swim. It’s been dry so long, we only got a quarter-inch of rain during Noah’s Flood. So dry I’m spitting cotton. Dry as a powder house. Dry as the heart of a haystack. Drier than a popcorn fart.”
Texas’ crazy folks are described as “He’s got a big hole in his screen door. She’s one bubble off plumb. She’s one brick shy of a load. She’s two sandwiches short of a picnic. He’s a few pickles short of a barrel. There’s a light or two burned out on his string. He’s missing a few buttons off his shirt. The porch light’s on but no one’s home. He’s overdrawn at the memory bank. I hear you clucking, but I can’t find your nest. She’s got too many cobwebs in the attic.”
Rich people are said to be “In tall cotton. Running with the big dogs. He didn’t come to town two to a mule. She’s got more than she can say grace over. So rich they can eat fried chicken all week long. Rich enough to eat her laying hens.”
Poor people are “If a trip around the world cost a dollar, I couldn’t get to the Oklahoma line. He’s so broke he’s busted all Ten Commandments. Poor as a lizard-eating cat. Hasn’t got a pot to pee in or a window to throw it out of. So poor I had a tumbleweed as a pet. I ate so many armadillos when I was young, I still roll up into a ball when I hear a dog bark. So poor we had to fertilize the sills before we could raise the windows. He’s broke as a stick horse. He’s too poor to pay attention. So poor the wolf won’t even stop at their door. So poor their Sunday supper is fried water. Too poor to paint, too proud to whitewash.”
Hot weather in Texas is nothing new. It’s talked about all the time. “Hot as Hades. Hot as the hinges (or hubs) of hell. Hot as a depot stove. Hot as a two-dollar pistol. Hot as a billy goat in a pepper patch. Hot as a summer revival. Hot as a pot of neck bones. Hot as a stolen tamale. Hot enough to fry eggs on the sidewalk. Hotter than whoopee in woolens. Hotter than a honeymoon hotel. Hotter than a burning stump. Hotter than blue blazes. Hotter than a fur coat in Marfa. So hot the hens are laying hard-boiled eggs.”
If someone is tired we say “Looks like she’s been chewed up, spit out, and stepped on. Looks like she was rode hard and put away wet. She looks like chewed twine. He looks like Bowser’s bone. I was born tired and I’ve since suffered a relapse. One wheel down and the axle dragging. I’m near about past going.
- Log in or Subscribe to post comments.