Okay, what would your answer have been?

Bill Cooke

Neighbor Grover sez teach a child to be polite and courteous in the home and, when he grows up, he'll never be able to merge his car onto the freeway.

Story of the week concerns Bob, a sociologist, who during a visit to a mental asylum, asked the director how the staff determined whether or not a patient should be institutionalized.

"Well," said the director, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub."

"Oh, I understand," Bob said. "A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup."

"No," said the director, "a normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed near the window?"


The above arrived via e-mail from former Rockdalian Barky Michalke, now living the good life with hubby Walter in Florida. She (or Walter) also sent along this jewel:

Sam was leaving a convenience store with his morning coffee when he noticed a most unusual funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery.

A long black hearse was followed by a second long black hearse about 50 feet behind the first one. Behind the second hearse was a solitary man walking a dog on a leash. Behind him, a short distance back, were about 200 men walking in single file.

Sam's curiosity got the best of him. He respectfully approached the man walking the dog and said, "I am so sorry for your loss, and this may be a bad time to disturb you, but I've never seen a funeral like this. Whose funeral is it?"

"My wife's."

"What happened to her?"

"My dog attacked and killed her," the man answered.

"That's terrible," Sam said. "But who is in the second hearse?"

"My mother-in-law," the man answered. "She was trying to help my wife when the dog turned on her."

A poignant and thoughtf moment of silence passed between the two men.

Finally Sam asked, "Can I borrow the dog?"

The man answered, "Get in line."


It sez here some hit recordings from years back are being revised with new lyrics to accommodate aging baby boomers. They include:

• Bobby Darin's "Splish, Splash, I Was Havin' a Flash."

• Herman's Hermits' "Mrs. Brown, You've Got a Lovely Walker."

• Ringo Starr's "I Get By With a Little Help From Depends."

• The Bee Gees' "How Can You Mend a Broken Hip?"

• Roberta Flack's "The First Time Ever I Forgot Your Face."

• Johnny Nash's "I Can't See Clearly Now."

• Paul Simon's "Fifty Ways to Lose Your Liver."

• The Commodores' "Once, Twice, Three Times to the Bathroom."

• Mar v in Gaye's "Heard It Through the Grape Nuts."

• Procol Harem's "A Whiter Shade of Hair."

• Leo Sayer's "You Make Me Feel Like Napping."

• The Temptations' "Papa's Got a Kidney Stone."

• Abba's "Denture Queen."

• Tony Orlando's "Knock 3 Times on the Ceiling If You Hear Me Fall."

• Helen Reddy's "I Am Woman, Hear Me Snore."

• Leslie Gore's "It's My Procedure and I'll Cry If I Want To."

And Last but not least:

• Willie Nelson's "On the Commode Again."

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