Commentary

How many Christians does it take?

Neighbor Grover sez the one nice thing about egotists is they don't talk about other people.

I don't follow t he spor t of hockey but there was an item circulating last week on the Internet about it.

It held that the first "cup" was used in 1874 in hockey to protect the, shall we say, groin area.

Now, the first time a helmet was used in hockey was in 1974.

Thus, it seems it took 100 years for hockey players to realize that the brain is also important.

—bc— Gary Anton of our town submitted the following which you are invited to add to your collection of religious humor. This is an updated and more complete version of something I'd shared here years ago. Worth repeating:

How many Chri does it take to change a light bulb?

Charismatic: Only one. Hands are already in the air.

Pentecostal: 10. One to change the bulb, and nine to pray against the spirit of darkness.

Presbyterians: None. Lights will go on and off at predestined times.

Roman Catholic: None. Candles only.

Baptists: At least 15. One to change the light bulb, and three committees to approve the change and decide who brings the potato salad and fried chicken.

Episcopalians: Three. One to call the electrician, one to mix the drinks and one to talk about how much better the old one was.

Mormons: Five. One man to change the bulb, and four wives to tell him how to do it.

Unitarians: We choose not to make a statement either in favor of or against the need for a light bulb. However, if in your own journey you have found that light bulbs work for you, you are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your light bulb for the next Sunday service, in which we will explore a number of light bulb traditions, including incandescent, fluorescent, three-way, long-life and tinted, all of which are equally valid paths to luminescence.

Methodists: Undetermined. Whether your light is bright, dull or completely out, you are loved. You can be a light bulb, turnip bulb, or tulip bulb. Bring a bulb of your choice to the Sunday lighting service and a covered dish to share.

Nazarene: Six. One woman to replace the bulb while five men review church lighting policy.

Lutherans: None. Lutherans don't believe in change.

Amish: What's a light bulb?

—bc—

A few observations:

• We're down to three classes in this country: the haves, the have-nots, and the have-notpaid for-haves.

• The real need for sex education in schools is that despite the goofy wardrobes, boys and girls are still able to tell each other apart.

• Detroit is finally getting the message. It will replace the long expensive car with the short expensive car.

• The odds against staying on a diet are 3 to 1 against you. There's you on one side and a knife, fork and spoon on the other.

• You've been around a long time if you remember when a pie was set on the window sill to cool, not to thaw.

• Trouble with most diets is you're allowed to eat as much as you want of anything you don't like.

• A lot of countries who want the U.S. "to leave us alone" are the same countries who not long ago were asking the U.S. to "leave us a loan."

• George Jessel, one of the great banquet speakers, advised other speakers: "If you haven't struck oil in your first three minutes, stop boring."

• A kleptomaniac is just a shoplifter who was fortunate to come from a well-to-do family.

• A person is truly wealthy when he has so much money he doesn't have to carry any.

bill@rockdlereporter.com


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2009-07-09 digital edition



The burn ban for Milam County has been lifted. Burning is always prohibited in the county's municipalities.


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