Coaches say the darndest things, thankfully

Neighbor Grover sez if you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments.

Sports quotes, we all love ‘em. These are from my collection which grows steadily. Although we’re heading to the Super Bowl, these involve quotes mostly from college coaches over the years:

• “At Georgia Southern, we don’t cheat. That costs money and we don’t have any.”—Erk Russell

• “Football is only a game. Spiritual things are eternal. Nevertheless, Beat Texas.”—Church sign in Arkansas prior to the 1969 national championship game (Texas won)

• “A f ter you retire, there’s only one big event left and I ain’t ready for that.”—Bobby Bowden, Florida State (retired, in fact, this year)

• “The man who complains about the way the ball bounces is likely to be the one who dropped it.”— Lou Holtz, Arkansas

• “When you w in, nothing hurts.” —Joe Namath, notorious for a great arm and terrible knees, Alabama

• “Motivation is simple. You eliminate those who are not motivated.”— Lou Holtz, Arkansas

• “If you want to walk the heavenly streets of gold, you gotta know the password, ‘Roll, Tide, roll!’”—Bear Bryant, Alabama

• “A school without football is in danger of deteriorating into a medieval study hall.”—Frank Leahy, Notre Dame

• “There’s nothing that cleanses your soul like getting the hell k icked out of you.”—Woody Hayes, Ohio State

• “I don’t expect to win enough games to be put on NCAA probation. I just want to win enough to warrant an investigation.”—Bob Devaney, Nebraska

• “In Alabama, an atheist is someone who doesn’t believe in Bear Bryant.”—Wally Butts, Georgia

• “You can learn more character on the two-yard line than any where else in life.”—Paul Dietzel, LSU

• “It’s kind of hard to rally around a math class.”—Bear Bryant, Alabama

• “No, but you can see it from here.”—Lou Holtz, Arkansas, when asked if Fayetteville was the end of the world

• “I make my practices real hard because if a player is a quitter, I want him to quit in practice, not in a game.”—Bear Bryant, Alabama

• “There’s one sure way to stop us from scoring—give us the ball near the goal line.”—Matty Bell, SMU

• “Lads, you’re not to miss practice unless one of your parents died or you died.”—Frank Leahy, Notre Dame

• “I never graduated from Iowa, but I was only there for two terms —Truman’s and Eisenhower’s.”— Alex Karras, Detroit Lions

• “My advice to defensive players: Take the shortest route to the ball and arrive in a bad humor.”— Bowden Wyatt, Tennessee

• “I could have been a Rhodes Scholar, except for my grades.”— Duffy Daugherty, State

• “Always remember, Goliath was a 40-point favorite over David.”—Shug Jordan, Auburn

• “They cut us up like boarding house pie. And that’s real small pieces.”—Darrell Royal, Texas

• “They whipped us like a tiedup goat.”—Spike Dykes, Texas Tech

• “I asked Darrell Royal, the coach of the Texas Longhorns, why he didn’t recruit me and he said: ‘Well, Walt, we took a look at you and you weren’t any good’.”—Walt Garrison, Oklahoma State (later Dallas Cowboy fullback)

• “Son, you’ve got a good engine, but your hands aren’t on the steering wheel.”—Bobby Bowden, Florida State

• “Football is not a contact sport. It is a collision sport. Dancing is a contact sport.”—Duffy Daugherty, Michigan State

• After USC lost 51-0 to Notre Dame, his postgame message to his team: “All those who need showers, take them.”—John McKay, USC

• “If lessons are learned in defeat, our team is getting a great education.”—Murray Warmath, Minnesota

• “We played like three tons of buzzard puke this afternoon.”— Spike Dykes, Texas Tech

• “It isn’t necessary to see a good tackle. You can hear it.”— Knute Rockne, Notre Dame

• “We live one day at a time and scratch where it itches.”—Darrell Royal, Texas

• “We didn’t tackle well today but we made up for it by not blocking.”—John McKay, USC

• “Three things can happen when you throw the ball, and two of them are bad.”—Darrell Royal, University of Texas

• “I’ve found that prayers work best when you have big players.”— Knute Rockne, Notre Dame

• “Gentlemen, it is better to have died a small boy than to fumble this football.”—John Heisman

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2010-01-28 digital edition

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