Do you need your hearing prayed about too?
Okay, story-of-the-week is suitable for your collection of religious humor, and comes courtesy of that gifted and talented icon, Mark Brady of our burg.
The setting is a tent revival in North Carolina, it’s Saturday night, the preacher has just delivered his best 90-minute sermon, and announces prayer time for the troubled.
“Anybody with ‘needs’ to be prayed over, come forward to the front at the altar,” the preacher says.
Bubba gets in the line, and when it’s his turn the preacher asks: “Bubba, what do you want me to pray about for you?”
Bubba replies, “Preacher, I need you to pray for help with my hearing.”
The preacher puts one finger in Bubba’s ear, places and other hand on Bubba’s head, and prays and prays and prays.
Finally, he removes his hands, stands back and asks, “Bubba, how is your hearing now?”
And Bubba says, “I don’t know, Reverend, it don’t come up ‘til next Wednesday.”
Then there was this blonde who accidentally cut her cat’s tail off with a string trimmer, and she rushed the cat and the tail to Walmart because she’d heard Walmart was the world’s largest retailer.
Finally, Valerie Herod submits the following letter from a redneck momma to her redneck son:
I’m writing this slow because I know you can’t read fast.
We don’t live where we did when you left home because your Dad read in the newspaper that most accidents happen within 20 miles of your home.
I won’t be able to send you the new address because the last West Virginia family that lived here took the house numbers when they moved so they wouldn’t have to change their address.
This place is real nice. It even has a washing machine. I’m not sure about it though. I put a load of clothes in and pulled the chain. We haven’t seen them since.
The weather ain’t bad here. It only rained twice last week, the first time for three days and the second time for four days.
About that coat you wanted me to send, your Uncle Billy Bob said it would be too heavy to send in the mail with the buttons on, so we cut them off and put them in the pockets.
Bubba locked his keys in the car yesterday. We were really worried because it took him two hours to get me and your father out.
Your sister had a baby this morning but I haven’t found out what it is yet so I don’t know if you’re an aunt or uncle.
Uncle Bobby Ray fell into a whiskey vat last week. Some men tried to pull him out but he fought them off and drowned with the doggonedest smile on his face. We had him cremated and he burned for three days.
Three of your friends went off a bridge in a pickup truck. Butch was driving. He rolled down the window and swam to safety. But your other two friends, Sam and Bo, couldn’t get the tailgate down and drowned.
There isn’t much more news at this time. Nothing much out of the normal has happened.
Your favorite aunt, Mom