Society

A collection of grandparent humor, truisms

In honor of all grandparents, new ones and not-so-new ones, the following jokes have been sent to me by friends Shirley Luetge and Carol Naul.

Funny, I turned 50, started getting stuff in the mail from AARP and emailed jokes about old people. Even funnier, these were the only ones I received that were printable.

Speaking of new grandparents, our own Cliff Dungan has been visiting with daughter Shannon and husband Reed, who are anxiously waiting the arrival of Cliff and Betsy’s granddaughter, Baby Claire. Apparently, Cliff thinks Baby Claire needs to hurry up and be born because in his own words “She’s kicking the stuffing out of Shannon!”

We wish Shannon and Reed all the best and, of course, Baby Claire, who already sounds like she’s going to be a great athlete like her Mama.

We miss you, Cliffy! See you soon!

—kcm—

• Grandchildren are God’s reward for not killing your own children.

• Mothers of teens now know why some animals eat their young.

• Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn’t have said.

• The main purpose of holding children’s parties is to remind yourself that there are children more awful than your own.

• We childproofed our homes, but they are still getting in.

—kcm—

An elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100 percent.

The man went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, “Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again.”

The gentleman replied, “Oh, I haven’t told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I’ve changed my will three times!”

—kcm—

Three old guys are out walking.

First one says, “Windy, isn’t it?”

Second one says, “No, it’s Thursday!”

Third one says, “So am I. Let’s go get a beer.”

—kcm—

Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical. A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm.

Later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said, “You’re really doing great, aren’t you?”

Morris replied, “Just doing what you said, Doc: ‘Get a hot mamma and be cheerful’.’’

The doctor said, “I didn’t say that. I said, ‘You’ve got a heart murmur; be careful’.”

—kcm—

Two young businessmen in Florida were sitting down for a break in their soon-to-be new store. As yet, the store wasn’t ready, with only a few shelves set up.

One said to the other, “I bet any minute now some old guy is going to walk by, put his face to the window, and ask what we’re selling.”

No sooner were the words out of his mouth when, sure enough, a curious senior walked to the window, had a peek, and in a soft voice asked “What are you sellin’ here?”

One of the men replied sarcastically, “We’re selling buttholes.”

Without skipping a beat, the old timer said, “You’re doing well. Only two left.”

kathy@rockdalereporter.com


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2010-03-11 digital edition



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