Forget the Big 12, try these conferences

It just so happened that when the Big 12 Crisis broke two weekends ago, I was in the one place where it was bigger news than in Central Texas.

Kansas City.

That’s the headquarters of the Big 12 and, while Baylor was the college “on the bubble” in our part of the world, the KC area had four of those, Kansas, Kansas State, Iowa State and Missouri.

The crisis was the lead story three days in a row in the Kansas City Star, sports radio talked about nothing else and when the University of Nebraska’s regents voted to go to the Big 10 it was carried live on Kansas City television.

(I like the Nebraska regents chairman. The Big 10 move was the first order of business on their agenda. When it was concluded he called for a short break so all the media types could leave, if they wished, saying: “You’re welcome to stay but I don’t really suppose you showed up today to hear us talk about the budget.”)

I have a certain amount of experience with some of those schools.

One of my cousins graduated from Kansas and another attended K-State before discovering heaven was located in Norman, Oklahoma, where she moved and still resides.

So I could identify with the KC area’s concerns. But, as usual, I see things a bit differently.

Look, we’re already admitting our college conferences have very little to do with geography any more so why not think way outside the lines.

Here’s my idea for seven new conferences based on some criteria that haven’t yet been used.

The Football i Prelude to the Real Season Conference— Duke, Kentucky, Georgetown, Indiana, North Carolina, U-Conn, Kansas.

Hey, the Final Four would be the second round of the conference tourney.

The Rodney Dangerfield Conference— Utah, TCU, Boise State, Brigham Young, Iowa, Oklahoma State.

They go 30-0 in non-conference play and the conference champ gets invited to the So Easy a Caveman Could Do It Bowl in Billings, Montana.

The A lways in the Pre- Season Football Top 20 Poll, No Matter How Bad They Are, Conference— Penn State, Ohio State, Oklahoma, Michigan, Nebraska, USC, LSU, Florida.

I know what you’re thinking. How could you leave Notre Dame out of this one?

That’s because the Fighting Irish are in the next one.

The No Problem Finding A nyone To Give t he Pre- Game Prayer Conference— Baylor, Notre Dame, Loyola, Oral Roberts, SMU, Boston College.

Look at it this way. When there’s a need for one of those famous “Hail Mary” passes, in this conference it could actually be a “Hail Mary.”

Oh, and if we form this conference, we will have to go to Dallas and remind the SMU regents the “M” stands for “Methodist.”

The Oh Well, We’re in Great Party Towns Even if We Lose the Game Conference— UNLas Vegas, Texas, Tulane, Miami, Columbia, UCLA.

See you on Sixth Street, The Strip and Broadway.

The Aggies Will Win No Matter What Conference— Texas A&M, Florida A&M, Michigan State, University of California Davis, New Mexico State, Oklahoma Panhandle State.

Every one of them was founded as an agricultural school and most still use “Aggie” as a mascot.

For the last one, I’m going to give you the schools and you guess the conference name. Here goes:

K a nsas State, Iowa State, Wyoming, Texas Tech, Missouri, Auburn.

(Jeopardy theme plays). Okay, time. Give up?

It’s the Just Once There Ought to be a League Where Lubbock is the Coolest City Conference.

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2010-06-24 digital edition

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