SPOILIN’ THE BROTH
Okay, here we go catching you up on some pretty good yarns that have been sent to this desk. The first one is for your collection of religious humor.
Did you know that Las Vegas churches now accept gambling chips in their offering plates? It may come as a surprise to you, but in the Las Vegas area, it is reported that there are more Catholic churches than there are gambling casinos.
Wit h gambling such a big industry in that city, some worshippers at Sunday services drop casino chips rather than cash into the offering plates when they are passed.
Since these chips come from many dif ferent c asinos, t he churches have devised a method to collect the offerings. The churches send all their collected chips to a nearby Franciscan Monastery for sorting and then the chips are taken to the casinos of origin and cashed in.
And from The Reporter’s Florida connection, Walter Michalke, comes this one that falls into the don’t-mess-with-old-folks department:
An older gentlemen had an appointment to see the urologist who shared offices with several other doctors. The waiting room was filled with patients when he arrived. As he approached the receptionist’s desk, he noticed that she was a large and unfriendly woman with a gruff, impatient nature.
He gave her his name. She said in a very loud voice, “Oh yeah, I have your name right here. You’re here to see the doctor about impotence, right?”
Everyone in the waiting room snapped their heads around to look at the very embarrassed man.
But he recovered quickly and said in an even louder, more forceful voice: “No, I’ve come to inquire about a sex change operation. But I sure as heck don’t want the same doctor that did yours!”
The room erupted in applause.
Gary (Amos) Anton of our town submits these “ponderisms:”
• How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?
• Why do you have to “put your two cents worth in” but it’s only a “penny for your thoughts?” Where does that extra penny go?
• Once you’re in Heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in forever?
• Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
• What disease did cured ham have?
• How is it that we put a man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
• If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?
• Why are people “in” movies but “on” TV?
• Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
• Why do doctors leave the room while you change? It ain’t like they’re not going to see you naked.
• Why is “bra” singular and “panties” plural?
• Why do toasters have a setting that burns the toast?
• If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?
• Can a hearse carr y ing a cor pse dr ive in t he c ar pool lane?
• If the professor on Gilligan’s Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can’t he fix a hole in a boat?
• Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They are both dogs.
• If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that Acme stuff, why didn’t he just buy dinner?
• If corn oil is made from corn and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?
• If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
• The Alphabet Song and Twinkle Twinkle Little Star have the same tune. Isn’t there a copyright problem here?
• Why did you just try singing those two songs in your head?