Commentary

SPOILIN’ THE BROTH

New book on golf should be best seller
Bill Cooke

Neighbor Grover sez he can’t f igure o ut why t anchors start with “good evening” and then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.

Story of the week is dedicated to all the golfers, hackers and duffers out at Rock-adale Country Club.

A guy was getting ready to tee off on the first hole when a second golfer approached and asked if he could join him. The first said that he usually played alone, but agreed to the twosome.

They were even after the first two holes. The second guy said, “We’re about evenly matched, how about playing for five bucks a hole?” The first guy said that he wasn’t much for betting, but agreed to the terms.

The second guy won the remaining 16 holes with ease.

As they were walking off the No. 18 green, the second guy was counting his $80 and confessed that he was the pro at a neighboring course and liked to pick on suckers.

The first fellow revealed that he was the parish priest.

The pro was f lustered and apologetic, offering to return the money.

The priest said, “You won fair and square and I was foolish to bet with you. You can keep your winnings.”

The pro said, “Is there anything I can do to make it up to you?”

The priest said, “Well, you could come to Mass on Sunday and make a donation. And, if you want to bring your mother and father along, I’ll marry them.”

—bc—

First Alcoa public relations man on the scene in 1951 was Bill Shepard. “Shep” is retired and living the good life in Plymouth, Massachusetts. In keeping with this week’s golf theme, here is an epistle from Shep:

You may not k now it, but I’ve been very busy putting my thoughts and ideas together in a book about golf and I’m very proud of the results.

Here is the table of contents from my new book: Winning Golf Strategies which I believe gives the reader valuable playing tips and inside information that I have gained through my own years of experience in the game and observations of golfing partners and what improved their games.

Table of Contents:

Chapter 1—How to properly line up your fourth putt.

Chapter 2—How to hit a Titleist from the rough when you hit a Maxfli from the tee.

Chapter 3—How to avoid the water when you lie 8 in a bunker.

Chapter 4—How to get more distance off the shank.

Chapter 5—When to give the marshall the bird.

Chapter 6—Using your shadow on the greens to distract your opponent.

Chapter 7 —When to implement Handicap Management.

Chapter 8—Proper excuses for drinking beer before 9 a.m.

Chapter 9—How to void your kidneys behind a 4” x 4” post undetected.

Chapter 10—How to rationalize a 6-hour round.

Chapter 11—How to find that ball that everyone else saw go in the water.

Chapter 12—Why your spouse doesn’t care that you birdied the 5th hole.

Chapter 13—How to let a foursome play through your twosome.

Chapter 14—How to relax when you are hitting three off the tee.

Chapter 15—When to suggest major swing corrections to your opponent.

Chapter 16—God and the meaning of the Birdie-to-Bogey three-putt.

Chapter 17—When to regrip your ball retriever.

Chapter 18—Use a strong grip on the Hand-Wedge and a weak slip on the Foot-Wedge.

The final chapter is best:

Chapter 19—Why male golfers will pay $7 a beer from the Cart Girl and give her a $3 tip, but will balk at $3 for a beer at the 19th hole and then stiff the bartender.

bill@rockdalereporter.com


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2010-11-04 digital edition



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