Still clinging to New Year’s resolutions?


I t’s almost February if you can believe it, which for most of us means those New Year’s resolutions are starting to get a little fuzzy

According to Time magazine, gym memberships go up by 60 percent in the month of January, but attendance is back to normal by mid-February.

Here at our local workout hot spot, it follows the national norm, with a huge spike according to Healing Handzz’ Cis Payne.

“Usually it does because of the resolutions,” said Payne.

Payne says memberships were three times what they normally are the rest of the year and that it is mostly women.

And mirroring the national trend, they’re back to normal around the middle of February— Valentine’s Day.

“Everybody wants to get back in the chocolate and candy,” Payne said.

Now quitting smoking and drinking always top most people’s lists and while I do partake in an occasional Rosa Cuba, I do not drink so I have those two licked.

Shorts, circa 1976 Shorts, circa 1976 Cigar smoking doesn’t count right? Come on.

And downing three or four Big Reds a day can’t be bad for you, can it? Come on.

I will try get back down to my high school playing weight. I know this is not realistic, besides I would never want to be that skinny again.

But who would have thought that 6-foot-4 1/2, 175-pound punk would ever grow up to be big enough to be able to play offensive tackle for the Dallas Cowboys.

Above right, there is a photo of my actual basketball shorts from high school. Pay particular attention to the shortness and the tightness of said shorts.

Kids, that’s what we played in. Oh yeah. Those, and a pair of Chuck Taylor’s.

The waist size on those shorts is a 28. I couldn’t get those on one of my legs now.

I recently went to a doctor for a checkup who called my current makeup “additional tissue”.

Giving up red meat is also a popular resolution for dropping a couple of pounds. Now that’s not a problem for me because I am practically a vegetarian now.

It’s just that as my role as humanitarian I am worried about some of my favorite places to eat, like Louie Mueller’s barbecue joint.

How will they ever survive? I mean Louie’s has only been in business about 100 years. If I stopped going there—permanent closed sign.

Another common resolution is be smarter with money.

QVC is still on the air right?

Apparently the ex-cheerleader is as concerned with QVC’s well being as I am with Louie Mueller’s.

Once, the UPS guy rolled up to our house and jumped out as I was coming outside and as he slid open his door and peered into the back of his brown truck, asked me if I had a fork lift.

He had to sit down and hold his side he was laughing so hard. I was concerned that it might not be a joke.

The cheerleader gets these urgent letters from QVC and Chico’s when she fails to contact them in a due diligent amount of time.

“Dear Kathy, we haven’t heard from you in a while so here are some free coupons.”

I once bought her something at Chico’s and the girl behind the counter asked me if my wife had ever shopped at Chico’s before.


“And what’s her name?”


“Oh, her.”

So hey everybody, let’s hang in there for at least one more month. Good luck.

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2011-01-20 digital edition

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