Contestants on DWTS don’t disappoint

Well I haven’t been able to sleep much this week in anticipation of the 12th season of Dancing With The Stars debut. Yee Haw! I had heard they were recently in talks with Charlie Sheen to be on the show but he declined because he was “Helloooo... already winning!” Also it interfered with his Narcissists Anonymous meetings. Besides, they probably test for substance abuse and he’s high on Charlie Sheen and Tiger Blood both. Dur! I think Charlie should hold out for Celebrity Survivor anyway. Wouldn’t that be fun to watch? I had also heard Chris Brown was invited to dance on the show but he only wanted to talk about and dance to music from his new album. When Len said that he couldn’t do that, Chris got so mad that he tore his dance costume off of his body and sequins flew everywhere and one nearly hit poor Bruno in the eye. I heard it was worse than when Marie Osmond fainted. But not worse than when that Jon and Kate woman danced. Any of the times. Then I heard that DWTS (that is Dancing With The Stars abbreviated for all of us in the know) had desperately wanted Lindsay Lohan to be on the show but her ankle bracelet clashed with every single outfit she picked out. Plus it kept going off for some reason. DWTS had also thought about asking some of the Jersey Housewives to dance but changed their minds since nobody they talked to had ever watched that show. I am sure that this information is mostly true because I got it straight from Flo at the Diner and she’s practically never wrong. So Ralph Macchio, Aka Karate Kid, had the highest score of the night. Cue crickets. Former Playmate Kendra was cute but she really needs to tie those two “assets” down better. They were flying all over the place. Despite the fact that Kirstie Alley is like nails on a chalkboard to me, she did really well and ended up with second place. At least she didn’t decide to wear her bikini. I did not realize she’s 60 years old, she really looks beautiful. Who knows, after watching her on this show, I may have a change of heart about her. And maybe not. You know who I just love that’s on the show? Wendy Williams. I think she is hilarious. She’s such a diva. She won’t win because she can’t really dance, but she is never boring. Love the hair, love the make- up, love the nails. I just hope she gets enough votes to stick around for awhile. After last year, it’s obvious you don’t have to actually dance well to stay on the show. Meanwhile... how you doin?

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2011-03-24 digital edition

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