Deer hunters: are you in a big hurry?
D eer season opened Nov. 5 and our story-of-the-week involves one man ver y anxious to get to his lease on that first day.
The setting is a dentist’s office. I have not confirmed that this happened in the office of Mayor Larry Jones, who drills for a living, or maybe the office of David Pendleton who does the same. Possibly it happened outside of Rockdale.
The man said to the dentist, “Doc, I’m in one heck of a deerhunter hurry. I have two buddies sitting out in my truck waiting for us to go deer hunting, so forget about the anesthetic, I don’t have time for the gums to get numb. I just want you to pull the tooth, and be done with it!”
“ You want it pulled without pain medication?” the dentist asked.
“Yes. We have our feeders set to go off in two hours and we are 110 miles from the lease. I don’t have time to wait for the anesthetic to work.”
The dentist thought to himself, “Dang, this is some tough dude.” So the dentist asks him, “Which tooth is it sir?”
And the man turned to his wife and said, “Open your mouth, Honey, and show him.”
Following are, it sez here, actual quotes from federal employee performance evaluations. Could be, if you believe fed supervisors have that much wit.
• “Works well only when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap.”
• “I would not allow this person to breed.”
• “He has reached rock bottom and has started digging.”
• “When she opens her mouth, it is only to change whichever foot was previously in it.”
• “She sets low personal goals and consistently fails to achieve them.”
• “This employee is depriving some village of an idiot.”
• “Got into the gene pool when the lifeguard wasn’t looking.”
• “Gates are down, lights are flashing, but the train isn’t coming.”
• “Has a room-temp IQ.”
• “A gross ignoramus. That’s 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus.”
• “It takes him an hour and a half to watch 60 Minutes.”
• “His crew follows him, but only out of morbid curiosity.”
• “The wheel is turning but the hamster is dead.” firstname.lastname@example.org