2012 will be Rockdale’s ‘fishiest’ election ever

One thing is for sure about the upcoming elections this year, assuming we actually get around to having all of them.

They will be the “fishiest” ever for Rockdale.

As I write this, there are two candidates for the west ward city council position. They are Tom Fisher and Colby Fisher.

One of the two school board positions up for election this year is held by Wayne Fisher.

(He has decided not to seek re-election.)

And one of the candidates for Precinct 3 commissioner is John Fisher.

In fact there are so many Fishers involved in local politics there’s already a rumor going around that if there’s a candidate forum it won’t be referred to as a debate but as a “de-bait.” (Look, you paid 75 cents for this paper. It’s not like you turned loose of 125 bucks to attend a comedy concert.)


While we’re on the often tandem subjects of politics and silliness, the League of Women Voters has actually had to issue a press release to tell Texans there’s not some grand conspiracy to keep us from voting in 2012.

There are already some emails out there on our monitors, iPads, tablets, laptops, cellphones, droids, androids, solenoids and hemorrhoids, telling us we have been disenfranchised as voters.

Why? Because our new voter registration cards have not yet been mailed out and the old ones expired Dec. 31.

Some say we’re already sunk, no voting in 2012. Some say we all have to go re-register to vote, run a marathon in 12 minutes or take out five magazine subscriptions in order to participate in elections.

In the words of MASH’s Col. Sherman Potter. Horse hockey!

If you still have your old card— and I’m holding mine—turn it over and look on the back.

See those little square boxes on the top? Right above the enchilada sauce stain? Oh, wait, that’s probably only on mine.

They have codes and numbers telling us what districts we are in for the various elections.

If you live in Milam County, like I do, the first three say: USREP 31, STSEN 5 and STREP 20.

This means we were in congressional district (U.S. Representative) 31, state senate district 5 and that we have really bad sore throats.

Oh, wait, STREP 20 means state representative district 20. My mistake.

Just in case you haven’t noticed there has been a heated redistricting battle going on in Texas over where the lines will be drawn in the new districts in those three jurisdictions.

Nobody yet knows what to put in those three boxes for Texans in 2012.

Some kind of resolution will be made and that actually appears to be on the horizon, even if it’s not in clear focus yet. What’s important to note is that it obviously wasn’t resolved by the end of 2011 when the old cards expired.

So what were the choices? Send out new cards and leave those three boxes blank or wait until we know what the new information is before printing new cards.

Aren’t we always griping about how much money government wastes? Can you think of a more foolish way to spend our tax money than to mail out hundreds of thousands of “blank-box” voter registration cards which will never be used but will be immediately replaced once the redistricting lines are drawn?

In fact, most of the larger Texas counties—Harris County is the one I looked at—have had that explanation on their websites for months.

It just makes you wonder what the thought processes are of people who did not get a voter registration card by Jan. 1 and immediately jumped to the conclusion that a grand conspiracy must exist to keep them from voting. They must envision something like this.

• ( Phone rings in Cowchip Count y Cour thouse A nnex): “Bubba Jack, this is Boss Hogtie over to the courthouse, You busy?”

• Bubba Jack (puts down domino): “Yeah, I’m in the middle of something but I can make time, what up dog, I mean Hog?”

• Boss Hogtie: “I’m afraid I’m gonna get beat this year. Can you just not send out voter registration cards.”

• Bubba Jack: “Don’t you think someone will notice?”

• Boss Hogtie: “Naw, just a few of them Internetters.”

• Bubba Jack: “Consider it done. Oh, that reminds me. I gotta go to the bank. Some guy in Nigeria found 10 million dollars that belongs to me and all I gotta do is send him $5,000 and the title to my house.” (Lays down a double-3 and hangs up.)

Look, you paid 75 cents...oh, never mind. I’ll see you in the voting booths.

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