Hunters potty in woods? Don’t tell the feds

Neighbor Grover sez ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy. I n 2010, according to documents sent to me by friend

Hal Reagan, a complaint filed with both the Environmental Protection Agency (EPA) and the Texas Commission on Environmental Equalit y ( TCEQ), produced a magnificent response from a rural Texas county judge.

I ran this through, the unofficial filter for yarns, myths, urban legends and the like that circulate on the Internet. My search was unsuccessful, so I make no guarantee. Nevertheless, anyone who has ever dealt with the government would agree it could have happened.

The TCEQ complaint report said:

“On 03/09/2010 a complaint was received at the TCEQ Waco Regional Office. The complainant alleged that David Cousins had been leasing out a hunting cabin and allowing hunters to defecate in the woods. It also alleged that there is no restroom, and Mr. Cousins is planning to extend plumbing into a creek next to cabin......

“Pursuant to the Texas Administrative Code Title 30....this complaint is within the jurisdiction of the local code enforcement authority of Limestone County, Texas. On 03/17/2010 this complaint was referred to Judge Daniel Burkeen, Authorized Agent, Limestone County, for further investigation.”

Now for the fun. Here is County Judge Burkeen’s response to the

We have had some delay in our investigation of the incidents alleged in the complaint which you kindly forwarded to us. The problem is, we have recently had a rash of reports of cows, horses, sheep and goats defecating at will in pastures throughout the county. On top of this, we suspect that wild hogs, deer and all sorts of other animals are defecating without even trying to find a proper facility.

In addition, I have personal proof on my windshield of a mischievous bird defecating in flight. The culprit flew away, but I did get a description. It was red. The gift it left was white.

In order to complete our investigation, I must ask, should we inquire into urination, or only defecation? I strongly believe that both are taking place, since hunters have long been suspected of taking a good amount of liquid refreshments with them into the woods. Also, we are collecting samples of the activities of these diabolical, defecating reprobates. Should we send these to you or directly to Austin?

Lastly, please allow us to handle this at the local level, and do not involve the federal government. When it comes to matters of excessive defecation, Washington bureaucrats would only add to our misery.

Don’t Mess in Texas.

TCEQ Waco regional office, the letter dated March 31, 2010:

Mr. Tim Blackmon Water Section Work Leader Waco Regional Office TCEQ

Very truly yours, Daniel Burkeen County Judge Limestone County

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