Ole, he always get the last laugh, by gum
Sven says to Ole: “Close your curtains da next time you’re making love vit your Lena. Da whole street vas vatching and laughing at you yesterday.”
Ole replies, “ Vell, the yoke’s on dem because I vasn’t even at home yesterday!”
Another gem from Jay Taylor who labeled this as a true story, but suit yourself:
Sometimes it does take a rocket scientist!
Scientists at NASA built a gun specifically to launch standard 4-pound dead chickens at the windshields of airliners, military jets and the space shuttle, all traveling at maximum velocity. The idea is to simulate the frequent incidents of collisions with airborne fowl to test the strength of the windshields.
British engineers heard about the gun and were eager to test it on the windshields of their new high-speed trains. Arrangements were made and a gun was sent to the British engineers. When the gun was fired, the engineers stood shocked as the chicken crashed through the windshield, smashing it to smithereens, blasted through the control console, snapped the engineer’s back rest in two, and embedded itself in the back wall of the cabin.
The horrified Brits sent NASA the disastrous results of the experiment, along with the designs of the windshield and asked the U.S. scientists for suggestions.
NASA responded with a oneline memo:
“Defrost the chicken.”
And here’s a blonde yarn from another Taylor, Bob, former Rockdalian, now a retired Alcoan living the good life out in East Wenatchee, Washington:
Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch. But after just a few years, they are in financial trouble. In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to purchase a bull so that they can breed their own stock.
Upon leaving, the brunette tells her sister, “When I get there, if I decide to buy the bull, I’ll contact you to come after me and haul it home.”
The brunette arrives at the man’s ranch, inspects the bull, and decides to buy it for $599. After paying him, she drives to the nearest town to send her sister a telegram. In the telegraph office she says, “I want to send a telegram to my sister telling her that I’ve bought a bull for our ranch. I need her to hitch the trailer to our pickup truck and drive out here so we can haul it home.”
The telegraph operator explains that he’ll be glad to help her, then explains it will cost 99 cents a word. After paying for the bull, the brunette realizes that she’ll only be able to send her sister one word.
After thinking a few minutes, she says, “I want you to send her the word ‘comfortable’.”
The operator shakes his head. “How is she going to know that you want her to hitch the trailer to your pickup truck and drive out here to haul that bull back to your ranch if you send her just the word ‘comfortable’?”
The brunette explains: “My sister is blonde. The word is big. She’ll read it very slowly....comfor da-bul.”