Tithing right along with the new technology
Bill Cooke

Neighbor Grover sez wrinkles are something other people have and they closely resemble his character lines. T echnology is changing so fast I guess someone was going to calculate how it will impact church services.

This was sent my way by Editor Mike Brown’s better half, Sue, one of the ladies that make our great city library run so smooth.

Pastor: Praise the Lord.

Congregation: Hallelujah!

Pastor: Can we please turn our tablet PC, iPad, cellphone, and Kindle Bibles to First Corinthians 13:13. And please switch on your Bluetooth to download the sermon.

Pastor: Let us pray, committing this week into God's hands. Open your Apps, BBM, Twitter and Facebook and chat with God.

Pastor: Please have your credit and debit cards ready as we shall now take up our tithes and offerings. You can log on to the church Wi-Fi using the password Lord909887.

Ushers, please circulate the mobile card swipe machines among the worshipers. Those who prefer to make electronic funds transfers are directed to computers and laptops at the rear of the church and those who prefer to use iPads are welcome to do so. Those who prefer telephone banking are allowed to take out their cellphones to transfer their contributions to the church bank account.

(The holy atmosphere is truly electric as the cellphones, iPads, PCs a nd l aptops b eep a nd fl icker.)

The morning wor ship’s announcement period follows.

Secretary: This week's cell meetings shall be held on the various Facebook group pages where the usual group chatting takes place. Please don't miss out. Thursday's Bible teachings will be held live on Skype at 1900 hours GMT. Please don't miss out.

Deacon chair: You can follow your Pastor on Twitter this weekend for counseling and prayers. God bless you and have a wonderful week!


This from friend Gary “Amos” Anton, formerly of our town and now of Lubbock:

Young people have theirs. Now Seniors have their own texting codes:

• ATD—At the doctor’s.

• BFF—Best friends funeral.

• BTW—Bring the wheelchair.

• BYOT—Bring your own teeth.

• CBM—Covered by Medicare.

• CUATSC—See you at the senior center.

• DWI—Driving While Incontinent.

• FWIW—Forgot where I was.

• GGPBL—Gotta go, Pacemaker battery low.

• GHA—Got heartburn again.

• HGBM—Had good bowel movement.

• LMDO—Laughing my dentures out.

• LOL—Living on Lipitor.

• OMSG—Oh my! Sorry, gas.

• TOT—Texting on toilet.

• WAITT—Who am I talking to?

• GGLKI (Gotta go, laxative kicking in!)

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2013-02-21 digital edition

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