Long-suffering caddies finally get their say
Bill Cooke

Neighbor Grover sez the one nice thing about egotists is they don’t talk about other people.

I t is said the hardest skill to master in all of sports is to hang in there and hit the curve ball.

Probably true. Michael Jordan led Chicago to three NBA titles and then tried his hand at professional baseball. He found the curve ball devilish, returned to the Bulls and led them to three more NBA titles.

Now if an athlete like Mike couldn’t hit the curve, there must be something to that saying.

Many would argue that No. 2 on the sports difficulty list would be playing scratch golf. That game devised by the Scots is a maddening task employing unnatural techniques using goofy, costly utensils.

So it is to all the good, bad and in-between golfers out at Rock-a-dale Country Club that I hereby dedicate the following, sent my way by one John Freeman. It is entitled:

The 10 greatest responses ever uttered by caddies

No. 10—Golfer: “I think I’m going to drown myself in the lake.”

Caddie: “Do you think you can keep your head down that long, sir?”

No. 9—Golfer: “I’d move heaven and earth to break 100 on this course.”

Caddie: “Try heaven sir, you’ve already moved most of the earth.”

No. 8—Golfer: “Do you think my game is improving?”

Caddie: “Yes sir. You miss the ball much closer now.”

N0. 7—Golfer: “Do you think I cangettherewitha5iron?”

Caddie: “Eventually, sir.”

No. 6—Golfer: “You’ve got to be the worst caddy in the world.”

Caddie: “I don’t think so sir. That would be too much of a coincidence.”

No. 5— Golfer: “Please stop checking your watch all the time. It’s a distraction.”

Caddie: “It’s not a watch sir. It’s a compass.”

No. 4—Golfer: “How do you like my game?”

Caddie: “Its very good sir. But personally, I prefer golf.”

No. 3—Golfer: “Do you think it’s a sin to play on Sunday?

Caddie: “I’m afraid the way you play sir, it’s a sin on any day.”

No. 2— Golfer: “ This is the worst course I’ve ever played on.”

Caddie: “This isn’t the golf course, sir. We left that an hour ago.”

N0. 1—Golfer: “That can’t be my ball, it’s too old.”

Caddie: “It’s been a long time since we teed off, sir.”


And the following item is from Mark Brady who found it in Minnesota where he and wife Sheila are spending the summer out of our Texas heat.

The room was full of pregnant women with their husbands. The instructor said, “Ladies, remember that exercise is good for you. Walking is especially beneficial. It strengthens the pelvic muscles and will make delivery easier. Just pace yourself, make plenty of stops and try to stay on a soft surface like grass or a path.

“Gentlemen, remember, you’re in this together. It wouldn’t hurt you to go walking with her. In fact, that shared experience would be good for you both.”

The room became very quiet as the men absorbed this information. After a few moments a man at the back of the room raised his hand.

“Yes?” said the instructor.

“I was just wondering,” the man asked, “if it would be okay if she carries a golf bag while we walk?”

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