Sharknado aside, you will love the Reel Drive In classic, “Sssssss”

BILL MARTIN

What in the name of Lassie and Rin-Tin- Tin is going on? There has been a recent internet furor over the movie “Sharknado”, which appeared recently on the SyFy channel.

Now while most people have claimed not to watch it, Twitter feeds blew up all over the world, crowning this thing the new king of schlock movies.

Now I have to admit, I didn’t see the “movie”, but I have seen some clips so I am no one to judge.

According to published reports, the plot goes something like this: A tornado flings sharks into Los Angeles. One lands in star Tara Reid’s pool, another bounces off a barstool. Helicopters throw bombs at the weather. A character named ‘Fin’, played by a Chippendales dancer, leaps into the open jaws of a projectile great white and chainsaws his way out of its rubber belly, screaming.

The movie’s tagline actually reads: “Enough said”.


Snakeboy Snakeboy Now as a certified movie buff, I have seen my share of dogs, er, sharks and relish the movies that are so bad, they’re good.

My favorite bad/good movie has to be “Sssssss”.

That’s right, “Sssssss”. That’s seven Ss if you’re counting.

We can blame our own local businessman Harold Parsley for exposing us to this celluloid slop. As the owner of the now defunct Reel Drive In, he was responsible for the lion’s share of our local culture.

I believe that is the venue I viewed “Sssssss” for the first time, probably on Wednesday dollar carload night.

The plot is simple (and laughable), David, a college student, is looking for a job. He is hired by Dr. Stoner (Get it? It was 1974. Stoner?) as a lab assistant for his research and experiments on snakes. David also begins to fall for Stoner’s young daughter, Kristina. However, the good doctor has secretly brewed up a serum that can transform any man into a King Cobra snake and he plans to use it on guess who? David.

We learn that this is not the first time the daffy Doc has done this. Despite all the warning signs, David is cluelesssssss.

The clincher for me is that Dr. Stoner is played by my favorite character actor, Strother Martin.

Martin is a part of movie lore, uttering the iconic line “What we have here, is a failure to communicate” from my favorite movie, “Cool Hand Luke”.

Martin, who appeared in dozens of classic movies, is clearly slumming here.

I actually have this movie on DVD, found it at a Goodwill and snatched it up before anyone else could grab it.

If you care to be scared, or are dying for a laugh (mostly laughs) be sure and Sssseee it.

Enough said.

The 5ive

Here are the five worst animal movies of all time: 1.Snakes on a Plane”— Among other atrocities, contains worst TV dubbing of all time: “I’m tired of these monkeyfied snakes on this monkeyfied plane.” Shame on you Samuel L. Jackson. I will strike down upon you with great vengeance and furious anger. (Now that’s a quote).

2. “Anaconda”—Again with the snakes. As bad as Jon Voight’s Cuban accent.

3. “Operation Dumbo Drop”—A comedy about dropping an elephant smack dab in the middle of Vietnam? Hee-larious. Shame on you Danny Glover.

4. “Ed”—A monkey out acts Matt LeBlanc (and I don’t mean Courtney Cox).

5. “Larger Than Life”—Again with the elephants. Bill Murray begins his slide.


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2013-07-18 digital edition



The burn ban for Milam County has been lifted. Burning is always prohibited in the county's municipalities.


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