SPOILIN’ THE BROTH
Neighbor Grover sez he thought he saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it was just an optical Aleutian. S tory of the week happens to be a blond joke sent all the way from Minnesota where Mark and Sheila Brady spent a cool summer. Yes, it is cool somewhere.
A young ventriloquist is doing a show in a small town. With his dummy on his knee, he starts through his dumb blond jokes.
Five minutes into the routine, a blond woman in the fourth row jumps up and shouts: “I’ve heard enough. What makes you think you can stereotype blond women that way? What does the color of a woman’s hair have to do with her worth as a human being? It’s men like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community, and from reaching our full potential as people.”
And she continued, “It’s people like you who make others think that all blonds are dumb! You and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only blonds, but women in general, pathetically all in the name of humor!”
The embarrassed ventriloquist begins to apologize, and the blond yells:
“ You stay out of this! I’m talking to that little *#*&*#* on your lap.”
The 2013-14 school year, now in full swing, prompts a kid story or two.
• Firstdayofschoola first-grader handed his teacher a note from his mother. The note read, “ The opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily those of his parents.”
• While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary school, a police officer was interrupted by a little girl about 6. Looking at his uniform, she asked, “Are you a policeman?” He said yes and continued writing his report. “My mother said if I ever needed help I should ask a policeman. Is that right?” He told her that, indeed, that was correct. “Well, then,” she said, extending her foot toward him, “would you tie my shoe?”
And, from a musician friend of mine, some “domestic” humor:
• A wife asks her husband, “Could you please go shopping for me and buy one carton of milk and if they have avocados, get 6.” The husband comes back with 6 cartons. The wife asks, “Why did you buy 6 cartons of milk?” He replied, “They had avocados.”
• Wife: “There’s trouble with the car. It has water in the carburetor.” Husband: “Water in the carburetor? That’s ridiculous.” Wife: “I tell you, the car has water in the carburetor.” Husband: “You don’t even know what a carburetor is. I’ll check it out. Where’s the car?” Wife: “In the pool.”
• Okay, just one more blond joke. A young man wanted to get his blonde wife a nice gift and bought her a cell phone. He gave her the phone and explained its features. Next day she went shopping. Her phone rang. It was her husband.
“Hi, sweet,” he said, “how do you like your new phone?” She replied, “I just love it. It’s so small and your voice is clear as a bell, but how did you know I was at Wal-Mart?”
• Husband and wife had a tiff. Wife called up her mom and said, “He fought with me again, I am coming to live with you.” Mom said, “No darling, he must pay for his mistake. I am coming to live with you.” firstname.lastname@example.org