A bumble bee is faster than a John Deere tractor
Bill Cooke

Neighbor Grover sez no matter how much you push the envelope, it’ll still be stationery.

D on’t know where this originated, but it resurfaces every so often and since this country seems to be in need of sage advice, I’ve decided to air it out again.

It’s entitled Advice from An Old Farmer, and much of it you may have read before, but it’s all pretty sage.

One item missing that I recall from earlier versions is: “Never squat with your spurs on.”

Anyway, enjoy:

• Your fences need to be horsehigh, pig-tight and bull-strong.

• Keep skunks, lawyers and bankers at a distance.

• Life is simpler when you plow around the stump.

• A bumble bee is considerably faster than a John Deere tractor.

• Words that soak into your ears are whispered....not yelled.

• Meanness don’t jes’ happen overnight.

• Forgive your enemies; it messes up their heads.

• Do not corner something that you know is meaner than you.

• It don’t take a very big person to carry a grudge.

• You cannot unsay a cruel word.

• Every path has a few puddles.

• When you wallow with pigs, expect to get dirty.

• If you run with trash, you’ll likely marry trash.

• The best sermons are lived, not preached.

• Most of the stuff people worry about ain’t never gonna happen anyway.

• Don’t judge folks by their relatives.

• Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.

• Live a good, honorable life… Then when you get older and think back, you’ll enjoy it a second time.

• Don ‘t interfere with somethin’ that ain’t bothering you none.

• Timing has a lot to do with the outcome of a Rain dance.

• If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin’.

• Sometimes you get, and sometimes you get got.

• The biggest troublemaker you’ll probably ever have to deal with, watches you from the mirror every mornin’.

• Always drink upstream from the herd.

• Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of good experience comes from bad judgment.

• Lettin’ the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier than puttin’ it back in.

• If you get to thinkin’ you’re a person of some influence, try orderin’ somebody else’s dog around.

• Don’t pick a fight with an old man. If he is too old to fight, he’ll just kill you.

• Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.

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2013-09-19 digital edition

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