Commentary

SPOILIN’ THE BROTH

High tech drummed up in ancient Israel
Bill Cooke

Neighbor Grover sez a committee is an unthinkable association of the unable who were assigned the unwilling to do the unnecessary. O kay folks, if you’ve got kids or grandkids you know there’s a generation-plus of people who haves grown up with computers and probably do not know how high tech got started.

So I’m here to help you explain it to them. In fact, you can just read to them the following which arrived on my desk by email, so you know its accuracy is ga-ronteed.

It all started in ancient Israel, where it came to pass that a trader by the name of Abraham Com did take unto himself a healthy young wife by the name of Dorothy. And Dot Com was a comely woman, large of chest, broad of shoulder and long of leg. Indeed, she was often called Amazon Dot Com.

And she said unto Abraham her husband, “Why dost thou travel so far from town to town with thy goods when thou canst trade without ever leaving thy tent?”

And Abraham did look at her as though she were several saddle bags short of a camel load. Knowing a safe response, he said, “How can I do that, dear?”

And Dot replied, “I will place drums in all the towns and drums in between to send messages saying what you have for sale, and they will reply, telling you who hath the best price. The sale can be made on the drums and delivery made by Uriah's Pony Stable (UPS).”

Abraham thought long and decided he would let Dot have her way with the drums. And the drums rang out and were an immediate success. Abraham sold all the goods he had at the top price, without ever having to move from his tent.

To prevent neighboring countries from overhearing what the drums were saying, Dot devised a system that only she and the drummers knew. It was known as Must Send Drum Over Sound (MSDOS), and she also developed a language to transmit ideas and pictures—Hebrew To The People (HTTP).

And the young men did take to Dot Com’s trading as doth the greedy horsef ly take to camel dung.

They were called Nomadic Ecclesiastical Rich Dominican Sybarites, or NERDS.

And lo, the land was so feverish with joy at the new riches and the deafening sound of drums that no one noticed that the real riches were going to that enterprising drum dealer, Brother William of Gates, who bought off every drum maker in the land.

Indeed he did insist on drums to be made that would work only with Brother Gates’ drum heads and drum sticks.

And Dot did say, “Oh, Abraham, what we have started is being taken over by others.” And Abraham looked out over the Bay of Ezekiel, or eBay as it came to be known, and said, “We need a name that reflects what we are.”

And Dot replied, “Young Ambitious Hebrew Owner Operators.”

“YAHOO,” said Abraham. And because it was Dot's idea, they named it YAHOO Dot Com.

Abraham’s cousin, Joshua, being the young Gregarious Energetic Educated Kid (GEEK) that he was, soon started using Dot’s drums to locate things around the countryside. It soon became known as God's Own Official Guide to Locating Everything (GOOGLE).

And that is how it all began. Your kids and grandkids can take it to the bank. bill@rockdalereporter.com


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2013-10-31 digital edition



The burn ban for Milam County has been lifted. Burning is always prohibited in the county's municipalities.


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