My nephew, Kevin, was one of the contestants and he actually won third place.
True to form, Kevin only asked me for help with his make-up the day before the pageant.
Then I had to track him down on Sunday after church to find out when I was supposed to be there.
He says “Oh we are supposed to be there at 4 and I guess we get dressed and stuff then.”
Wrong! The contestants were supposed to have come already dressed and ready for the pageant at 4! Grrrrrr!
So I made a mad dash behind the curtain for a quick make-up job before it started.
Being the hairy beast that he is, it was all the more funny!
I can honestly say I have ever applied make-up to a face with a five o’clock shadow.
Then I looked down. “Uh Kevin, don’t you have any boobs? You’re flat as a pancake.”
He stammered, “Well no, I didn’t bring my boobs with me Aunt Kathy. These are the only ones I have.”
He obviously underestimated his Aunt.
“Nonsense. Didn’t you wear socks today?”
Now he was really confused and he said “Yeah, I wore socks...”
I said “Good, give them to me.” He slowly gave me his socks, still not sure why.
I, of course, rolled them up in little balls and stuffed them in his dress.
Just like it was the most natural thing in the world.
He seemed embarrassed so I said “This is what embarrasses you? You’re in a dress and the hair on your arms and legs is two inches long. Not to mention you have a short beard already growing. But socks in your dress embarrasses you!”
The contestants were great, all of them were hilarious. Miss Tennessee (Lorenzo Llana) even played a guitar and sang for her talent. And it was a song she wrote “her”self to the tune of “Sweet Home Alabama” only it was “Sweet Home Tennessee.” Very clever!
Miss Vermont (Devin Fisher) very cleverly sharpened an ax for her talent, then she shaved her leg hairs with it to make sure it was sharp enough!
Miss Louisiana (Josh Jones) did an interpretive dance routine that was pretty hard to interpret.
And Miss New York (Kevin Cooke) tried to eat a whole New York Style Pizza. That pizza box looked familiar, in fact it was exactly like a Gatti’s Pizza box.
But the talent act that stole the show had to be Miss Florida (Riley Schaefer). He came out in hot pink tights, black hot pants and a leopard tube top and wore his hair in Bo Derek style braids from the movie “10.”
The packed audience at Thorndale VFW all had a great time and were thoroughly entertained.
Way to put on a great show, Thorndale High School!