Look at a woman’s hands to determine her mood

Bill Cooke

Neighbor Grover sez he changed his car horn to gunshot sounds, and people move out of his way much better now. O kay, it’s been brought to my attention that I haven’t had any new items for your collection of religious humor in this column in several months.

So, thanks to Kerry Starnes, I have a new item. This yarn may also fit a few other categories besides religious humor. Enjoy:

When everybody on earth was dead and waiting to enter Heaven, God appeared and said, “I want the men to make two lines: One line for the men who were true heads of their household, and the other line for the men who were dominated by their women. I want all the women to report to St. Peter.”

Soon, the women were gone, and there were two lines of men. The line of the men who were dominated by their wives was 100 miles long, and in the line of men who truly were heads of their household, there was only one man.

God said to the long line, “You men should be ashamed of yourselves; I created you to be the head of your household. You have been disobedient and have not fulfilled your purpose. Of all of you, only one obeyed. Learn from him.”

God turned to the one man and said, “How did you manage to be the only one in this line?”

The man replied, “My wife told me to stand here.”


Okay, I’ll admit it. I’d have been in the looooooong line, and probably at the very end. I’m just like the rest of you guys reading this, I married way over my head.


Someone sent along an email consisting of all kinds of greeting cards. Some of the inscriptions are worth passing along:

• Gone are the days when girls used to cook like their mothers. Now they drink like their fathers.

• You can tell a lot about a woman’s mood just by her hands. For instance, if she’s holding a gun or a butcher knife, she’s probably angry.

• Some day the best thing about my job is that the chair spins.

• You know that tingly feeling you get when you like someone? That’s common sense leaving your body.

• I didn’t make it to the gym today. That’s five years in a row.

• It’s best not to make plans for your entire day. When you do, the word “premeditated” gets thrown around in the courtroom.

• Dear paranoid people who check behind the shower curtains for murderers: If you do find one, what’s your plan?

• Sometimes you have to burn a few bridges to keep the crazies from following you.

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