‘They threw her down, seventy times seven’
Bill Cooke

Grover sez a new study reveals that women with large backsides live longer than men who make mention of them. Y ou can thank longtime Reporter reader Iola Avrett for the following addition you can make to your collection of religious humor.

It’s sort of a tribute to those individuals who can think on their feet and ad lib. I’m sure you can name a few. This is entitled “Dear Theophilus,” from Gospel Tract Harvester, Mickey MacNair. Enjoy:

At a church deacons’ meeting, the chairman asked one of the deacons, Sam, what part of the Bible he liked best. “Well, sir,” Sam said, “the New Testament.”

“Which book in the New Testament?” the chair asked.

“The Book of Parables,” Sam replied.

“Can you relate one of those parables to this committee?” the chair asked.

Art by Jaxson Barcak, a first grader at Rockdale Elementary School. Art by Jaxson Barcak, a first grader at Rockdale Elementary School. Sam, not biblically literate but taking a chance that the deacons knew as much about the Bible as he did, stood and pronounced:

“Once upon a time a man went down from Jerusalem to Jericho and fell among thieves and the thorns grew up and choked that man. And he who didn’t have any money met there the Queen of Sheba, and she gave that man, uh, she gave that man a thousand talents of gold and a hundred changes of raiment.

“And as he was riding along under a big tree, his hair got caught in a limb and left him hanging in mid-air. Yessir. And he hung there many days and nights and the ravens brought him food and water.

“And one night while he was hanging there asleep, his wife Delilah, came and cut off his hair, and he dropped and fell on stony ground and it began to rain and it rained for 40 days and nights.

“And he hid himself in a cave. And the man went out into the highways and byways and compelled them to come in.

“He went on and came back to Jerusalem and he saw Queen Jezebel sitting high up in the window and he said, ‘Throw her down again,’ and they threw her down again and again, seventy time seven, and the fragments they picked up were 12 baskets full.

“Now whose wife will she be in the day of Judgment?”

Thank you, Iola. There is no mention of the deacons’ reaction to Sam’s offering. Probably speechless.

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